Marriage certainly isn’t something to be taken lightly — it’s a serious commitment that should be made between two people for the right reasons. So, if you truly believe in the forever kind of love, you want to make sure that you’re making that commitment with the right person.
Now, there are plenty of jokes made about the changes that happen to a woman when she has a ring on her finger, or the transformation that happens to a man once he becomes a husband and doesn’t worry as much about impressing his partner — but those are garbage. While no one remains completely static, the fact is, the person you marry is the same person before and after you tie the knot.
There are several red flags in a relationship that may indicate your partner might not be the best one to make a lifelong commitment to, because the signs point to them not truly wanting to make that commitment. Obviously, people can change and evolve, but if your partner is exhibiting a bunch of these red flags now, it may be time to really put some thought into your visions of a Mr. and Mrs. sign lit up at your wedding reception.
Here are 15 signs that she may not be the best wife in the world.
15. She’s selfish
This applies to relationships, and it applies even more to marriage — any long-term commitment involving two people needs to incorporate a certain degree of compromise and consideration. If you’re trying to be a great husband and consider your wife in decisions you make, even if it’s something as small as picking her up her favourite coffee when you stop by the coffee shop on the way home, and your wife only ever thinks about herself? That’s going to cause some major marital strife. Once you make that commitment, your life is no longer solely about yourself — you’re a partnership, and you need to consider your partner, plain and simple. Without some kind of reciprocity, you’re just going to end up resenting your partner — and you can usually tell if someone is all about me, myself and I when you’re still dating.
14. She’s a huge party girl
Okay, here’s a caveat — if you’re also the type of person who loves to go out to the club multiple times a week, drink like a fish, and live that kind of lifestyle, maybe a party girl is the perfect match for you. However, most guys want to be able to spend some quality time with their wife on a regular basis. Sure, you can enjoy boys’ night and she can enjoy heading out dancing for girls’ night every now and then, but if your partner would rather spend an evening doing shots with strangers than cuddled up watching a movie at home with her partner, it may be a sign that she’s just not ready to be anyone’s wife. If she’s still in the party girl stage of her life, that’s totally fine — but you probably don’t want to be the drag of a husband constantly begging her to stay home and actually spend time with you.
13. She never lets you hang out with your boys
Okay, this is a bit of an opposite issue to the party girl who is totally MIA in your relationship. You obviously need to enjoy spending time with the person you marry, so it’s understandable that you would spend a lot of time, just the two of you — eating dinner, catching a movie, hitting the farmers’ market, whatever it is you like to do. However, it’s important for individuals in a relationship to have their own lives and identities and interests — you don’t need to be joined at the hip just because you’re married. So, if your partner never lets you spend time with your friends, that may be a sign you’re in for a lot of marital strife and silly arguments over things like you watching the game at your best friend’s place.
12. She doesn’t trust you
There’s no way around this one — one of the most crucial components to any healthy, lasting relationship is trust. If you’re unable to trust your partner, your entire relationship is just quivering on an unstable foundation. If you find that she already has trouble trusting you when she’s just your girlfriend, that she’s constantly checking on where you are and who you’re with and accusing you of lying to her, well… that’s probably going to stay the same when you’re married. If she doesn’t trust you when you’ve made it clear that you’re committed to her as her boyfriend, that’s not going to change just because she has a diamond on her finger. If you’re thinking of walking down the aisle and you haven’t established something as basic as trust, well… you may want to rethink things.
11. She lied about big things while you were dating
Listen, let’s be honest — when you first start dating someone, you definitely make sure that you have your most flattering outfits on, that you don’t get sloppy or overeat, and that you paint yourself in the best possible light. After all, you’re trying to impress your potential partner! However, there’s a difference between squeezing into Spanx to make sure your dress looks fantastic and straight out lying to you. If you find that your partner has lied about something major, such as her job or her age or anything like that, it’s a huge red flag that she probably wouldn’t be ideal wife material. You’re supposed to be completely honest with your spouse, and a marriage built on a foundation of lies is bound to be a rocky one.
10. She doesn’t support you
Okay, no one is saying you need to agree with every thing that comes out of your spouse’s mouth, and support every crazy scheme they embark upon. However, there’s a certain degree of support that should just come with being in a committed relationship. You want your partner to feel like he can tackle the world and achieve everything she’s ever dreamt of. So, if your girlfriend is constantly slamming your ideas and making comments about how you’ll never be able to achieve your dream, then that’s a huge red flag that she’s not the right choice for your wife. You don’t want a mindless doll who never criticizes you, but you also don’t want someone who makes you feel foolish for having hopes and dreams — that’s an awful way to live.
9. Nothing is ever good enough for her
Everyone’s life has certain seasons — sometimes, things are particularly tough for a while, and other times, it’s smooth sailing and luxury vacations. In a marriage, you kind of have to weather the storm and band together during the tough times so that you can get to the good times. If your partner complains about literally everything, and you feel like nothing is ever good enough for her, that’s a bad sign. There’s only so much you can control in the universe, and you want to know that your partner will be by your side if anything bad were to happen; no man wants a wife who would drop him like a hot potato at the first sign of difficulty. You’re supposed to be a team — so if she doesn’t make you feel that way, she may not be the right wife for you.
8. She has a history of cheating — perhaps even on you
A lot of people are divided on this issue, with some believing it’s possible to have a lapse in judgment and make a decision that leads to infidelity, and others believing that a cheater will always be a cheater, no matter what the circumstances. We’re not going to say that someone who has cheated at some point in their life will automatically be a terrible wife, but if she’s been unfaithful during your relationship, that’s a huge red flag. After all, when you’re just dating, things are new and exciting — when you’re settled down in the routine of marriage, if you have a span of rough months where you just can’t find time for an exciting date night, how do you know she won’t go searching for someone who will give her those butterflies again?
7. She always has to be right
If you think marriage is all about keeping score and making sure that you’re the one who’s winning, well… it’s going to be a rough ride. While you definitely don’t want to be a doormat for your partner to walk all over, you also have to accept the fact that sometimes you may just have to agree to disagree. After all, marriage may mean sharing a bed, but it doesn’t mean sharing a mind! You’re allowed to have your own opinions! However, having a partner who absolutely will not let go of things until you admit that they’re right is just exhausting, and you’ll find yourself avoiding bringing up anything remotely liable to start a fight because it’s just too much. And that’s certainly not what you want in a strong marriage.
6. She makes you feel badly about yourself
No one is saying you should believe that your partner is the most perfect human being to ever walk the planet, that they can do no wrong, ever, but… at the end of the day, your partner should be someone that makes you feel good about yourself. They should make you feel loved and valued and cherished, and they should be the one person always on your side building you up when it feels like the world is trying to tear you down. So, if your future wife is constantly making you feel badly about yourself, that’s a pretty clear indicator that she may not be the best wife. After all, the world is awful enough already — why have the person closest to you be someone who constantly makes you feel awful?
5. She’s talked about how she never wants to get married
Okay, this is kind of a tough one, because people’s opinions on this subject can change. Perhaps when you were 20 you felt like marriage was for suckers and it would never be a choice you made, and by the time you hit 30, you’re dreaming of your big wedding and waking up to your wife every morning. People change their minds. However, if she’s fairly adamant that she absolutely does not want to get married, and she’s held that opinion for as long as you’ve been together and held it for years beforehand, there’s a pretty good chance that she’s not going to be thrilled if you ever decide to pop the question. And, if she ends up saying yes, there’s always a chance that she’s not too jazzed about it but is just trying to please you, which isn’t going to yield great results.
4. You have vastly different ideas of ideal frequency for loving
While stereotypes suggest that women are the ones who are always turning down some intimate time while men want it literally every minute of the day, that’s not always the case. Sometimes, the woman in a relationship may be more enthusiastic about spending quality time together, and the guy is satisfied with once or twice a week. However, one thing is for sure — if you have totally different ideas of ideal frequency, it will probably lead to serious issues. We’re not talking about a minor difference — we’re talking about if one partner is content to rustle the sheets once every couple of months, and the other wants it three times a day. It’s bound to lead to fights and anger and hurt feelings and it’s just a tough thing to mend in a relationship.
3. She hates your family — and makes no effort to hide it
Not everyone falls in love with their partner’s family — that’s just the way life is. Your family may represent everything she finds irritating, and she may be clenching her teeth every minute of every family dinner and holiday. However, a good wife knows that she should support her husband’s family (if he does as well), so she’ll grit those teeth and smile right through it. However, someone who isn’t necessarily wife material might just flat out refuse to come with you to any family functions, or go and talk smack loudly about everyone there. There’s issues in every family, but if your partner absolutely refuses to be a part of your extended family in any way, that’s a big issue that will likely cause serious problems one day. After all, what if you have children? Are they just never going to see dad’s side of the family?
2. She keeps trying to change you
This is kind of similar to the idea of a partner making you feel badly about yourself, but it’s just as important — your partner should love you for you, end of discussion. Yes, you definitely want your partner to be healthy, so if your wife sees you eating a diet of endless junk food and not taking care of yourself, she may gently suggest that you incorporate a few salads and hit the gym every now and then. However, if your wife to be is constantly trying to change what seems like everything about your personality and appearance, that may be a sign that you’re just not the right partner for her — and she’ll probably realize that a few years into your marriage, when everything is messy and complicated.
1. Commitment isn’t even a word in her vocabulary
Marriage is a serious commitment — you’re promising your partner that you’ll share your life with them, be with them through sickness and health, etc. It’s a big deal. So, before you take the plunge, take a second to examine your potential spouse’s attitude towards commitment. If your wife to be is constantly bouncing from one job to another, one friend to another, one style to another, it may be a sign that she’s just not ready to make any kind of long-term commitment. There’s nothing wrong with being in a stage in your life where you’re just trying to figure it all out, but it’s also not the stage you want to be in when you decide to tie the knot. Plus, how are you supposed to make life plans with someone who can’t even plan what they’re doing next month?
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