First off, I am a male writing about 15 annoying things that will get anyone dumped. Most importantly, I am a gay male writing about this, which makes me the most qualified person to discuss this topic because I know what men want, what women want, what we like, and what annoys us. I specifically specialize in boyfriends as I was once a serial dater who now finds myself as the “Betty” in a long term relationship. Yes, the “Betty” because she was certainly more attractive than “Wilma”. If we reference Golden Girls I am more of the “Blanche” but in all I know what is annoying to men and women, I feel compelled to share this information with the masses. Men want attention and want to be alone. Men want excitement and want precious down time. Men want to be in control and they also want to be submissive. It is the never ending tug of war found in relationships: pay attention to me, don’t pay attention to me, you’re not paying enough attention to me, why does it always have to be about you? These same feelings are common in women too. To satisfy your partner, you have to think like your partners. Think about what your other half is thinking when the thought of “What’s in it for me?” scurries through their brain. It is very simple; you don’t have to drive your significant other away with annoying antics. With that said, the following are 15 of the most annoying things which will definitely get anyone dumped. Let’s begin.
15. Hoarder Alert
Yes, of course we all get a little lazy, especially after working all day or being busy with the children, pets, and/or other obligations however do not hoard. No one should hold onto things for sentimental reasons or any reason. It is a turn off to glance into your partner’s closet and see an assortment of shoes and clothing and accessories that have been in and out of style more times than years you have been in a relationship. There is no reason to not do some light housework even on the most tiring of days. Although, this may seem like a double standard; men are sexier when they are all greased up doing something dirty but a woman must remain a lady at all times if she plans on holding onto her man.
14. Befriending Friends
It is clearly acceptable to become friends with your other half’s wolf pack, but by all means this does not mean that you are great friends with their squad. There is nothing more irritating to your partner than to see you canoodling with their pals. Group functions are fine but if you have decided that texting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s BFF is cool, then you are on a slippery slope downhill in this relationship. If your boyfriend has a female friendship that has been in his life since before your relationship existed, do not by any means befriend her. This woman will only make you anxious. She knows too much about your honey bear and chances are on a drunken night she was probably his honeysuckle. Do not blur the lines; your friend is your partner and the rest are just accessories.
13. Begging for Attention
Relationships are tough and there is always that one that wants attention every single moment of the day. The actual term for this issue is clingy. If you live together, there really needs to be the escape from one another; let it be work, going to the gym, a hobby or sport. There is no way you are going to get a “Good Morning” text, a call during break time, an email at lunch, a Snapchat while in a meeting, a Facebook IM on the way to the restroom, or even a tag on an Instagram post of you and your special someone each and every moment of every day reminding you how much you mean to your sacred boo. A great relationship doesn’t need constant reassurance. Men and women do not want to be overwhelmed by this. If you just left your home and you text your girlfriend “I miss you,” she is most likely rolling her eyes, considering you are a bit of a psycho, completely ignores the text, or squeamishly responds “I miss you too”. The silent rule is “You never beg for attention.” If you find yourself begging for attention, it is not really a good sign. Attention should be given willingly. If you are lacking in the attention field, my suggestion would be to make a quick right into a therapist office to either identify what makes this need live inside you or to sign up for a couples retreat as soon as possible.
12. Emotional Rollercoaster
In the 1992 film A League of Their Own, Tom Hank’s character tells one of the female ball players, “There’s no crying in baseball” and to men, a relationship should be like baseball. It should be exciting; it should be about sliding into base and scoring a home run. Of course, there are a few hits and misses but in all, the game should be played fair and should be filled with satisfaction. I do think there are a few male whiners too but for this topic we are focusing on the women who scream their heads off on the world’s most awkwardly uncomfortable tornado of a ride, the emotional rollercoaster. I lived with women in the past and nothing is more irritating than the great excuse, the get out of jail free card of “I am PMSing.” Your man does not want to think that for the longevity of his life in the relationship that for at least once a month for about a week his wonderful girlfriend can be as obnoxiously crude and disastrous as she may want to be because she has the excuse of “It’s that time of the month.” In addition, these emotional outbursts are often not accompanied by the visit from Flo, so don’t use her as a scapegoat.
11. Belittling Your Partner
So many women now are leaders in their field, and that is amazing. What isn’t wonderful is when you let your partner know how much more relevant you are over him. I once watched a successful female friend devour her husband daily. As she travelled into New York City each morning to work at a successful law firm, John worked his job in the kitchen of a local restaurant. As friends got together for drinks and dinner over the weekends, we watched poor John get emasculated by his wife. She was actually clueless to the fact that it was insulting to tell her man that she would like him to leave his career so he could be a Mr. Mom to their non-existent children and two dogs. Another one of my favorite topics was how she rose to the top against adversity and her strength and perseverance is unmatched by any. If you are a successful woman, a privileged woman, a slightly pretentious woman, or even just a woman who loves to talk about how good everything is, don’t forget that it is not so nice to make your partner feel less than amazing. This goes for men too!
10. Enough with the Social Media
Although social media has made some great connections and is useful in its own right, there is an addiction to scrolling the news feed and being an active social media networker. If you find yourself engaging more often with your friends on Facebook then with your own partner, you are taking a chance on your precious relationship. Your partner does not want to hear about Joe and Sally’s kids, Carol’s vacation, or Ben’s football party. Your partner wants to be creating your own memories, memories that don’t necessarily need to be shared with your social media following. The issue with social media is that it has taken away a portion of what is personal. Wouldn’t it be better to have your own adventures and then share them with others live and in person? This would actually create actual communication between the two of you and it would evolve into a real social gathering. Too much social media is making you socially awkward and being socially awkward is a one way ticket to complete solitude.
9. Drama Queen
Let’s face it: we all like a little bit of drama and it is fun to be a casual bystander to a dramatic performance, however this all changes when the lights are shining bright on you and the drama feels more like an interrogation. In all relationships, there are ups and downs but if you are going to make a big deal out of every minor detail, then you have a major issue. Drama should be saved for true dramatic occasions such as the loss of a loved one, a natural disaster, something truly exciting like child birth, or winning the lottery. If you find yourself crying over missing the sale at Bloomingdales or creating anxiety by shouting at the television over the failed touchdown, please note your partner does not want to hear about it. We don’t want to hear about your long rough days at work. Chances are we had the same type of work day. Drama is complaining. Complaining is drama. Any partner will agree if you are dramatic or a complainer, your destiny together will be short-lived. If you are fortunate enough to find a significant other that is equally as dramatic, you are setting the stage for huge explosive arguments, depression, and a long miserable journey together. Stop the drama if you want that happily ever after.
8. Wedding Crasher
Getting married is a dream for many men and women. Marriage should be the result of romance, courtship, and a true connection. You should feel like you are soul mates that have organically reached the momentous union. Unfortunately, not everyone takes on marriage as a natural and sacred event. Many people approach marriage for all the wrong reasons. Some think “I am approaching 30 years old”, others say “Well I want my grandparents to see me tie the knot”, and then there is always the temptation of marriage for wealth, social status or to make a statement of some kind. If you are constantly talking to your partner about when you are going to get married, the fantasy of married life and inquiring about the looming proposal then you are placing pressure on your loved one, which will result in a major turn off. Just don’t talk about it. If you are in love, it will happen and if it doesn’t then you have to move on. Marriage is expensive and divorce is not any cheaper. Your partner doesn’t want to imagine the big day until they are ready to imagine it. Let’s use the three little words that are often supportive of sexual harassment case victims: no means no.
I once found jealousy a huge turn on. There was nothing more romantic to me than a little jealousy that reeked from my partner, whether it was because I was getting attention or because I had a friend that they thought like me. I quickly learned that jealousy is dangerous. Often times, I found myself jealous as well. For a time, the jealousy caused heated discussions which resulted in passionate unions, the ever enduring making up. Once jealousy begins, it is very difficult to break the pattern. The urges of jealousy end up taking control over you and your relationship. You are bound to continue arguing and ultimately you are either stuck in an insecurity-stricken relationship or you find yourself single and ready to mingle. It is your decision. If you want to stay in your relationship, then you have to let go of your insecurities and feelings of jealousy. If your partner wants to go out, then let them go. You have to trust that they are on their best behavior. Don’t let a past misstep in the relationship own your bond. Breaking up is hard to do but with jealousy in the mix you are guaranteed to experience something much more satanic.
Money is truly the root of all evil but it is also a means to happiness and a source to fuel any and all of the seven deadly sins. When in a relationship, couples at times make the conscious decision to join funds and financially become one. This is one of the biggest mistakes you could make. In most cases, a person is working and making their own money. The last thing they need is for someone else to monitor their spending or dare I say control them financially. This does not work for anyone. By joining your bank accounts, you are actually giving away more of your independence. When in a relationship, you are already compromising your individuality. By joining your finances, you are leaving the door open for resentment, responsibility for debts that do not belong to you, and sure fire arguments. Do not let money be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Get your separate bank account as soon as possible as one account will result in a bigger problem if things do not work out. Imagine going to the ATM only to find out your joint account holder rightfully withdrew funds leaving a zero dollar balance.
5. Substance Abuse
In 1995, Alicia Silverstone who starred as Cher Horowitz in Clueless said it best when she shared her words of wisdom, “It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it quite another to be fried all day.” No matter how enjoyable smoking weed or drinking a few glasses of wine may be, no one likes an abuser of these substances. This goes for anything you abuse whether it is food, coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, or any assortment of drugs. I would even go as far as adding other addictions like sex and video games in this substance abuse category. Too much of anything is enough to push any loved one away. It is very easy to fall into this category because most of the things we abuse equate to some type of fun. Fun is definitely a must in any relationship but there needs to be a boundary and the line of enough is enough needs to be clearly visible in the sand.
4. Baby Talk
Hearing a baby’s first words is amazing. It is one of the most craved moments by all parents and baby lovers. As time goes on, the words that the baby speaks are more and more cute and interesting. As we all know, babies grow up and they become functional and communicable adults with perfect speech. It is unfortunate that as an adult, some people revert back to their infantile moments. Historically, baby talk was much more common in women which is understandable because they were most likely spending time with their children. As we have evolved, we see that baby talk has consumed many men and women who find the adorable high-pitched bantering as a way to entice their partners. As humans, this has got to be inappropriate and baby talk should only be reserved to when speaking with babies. If you are speaking to your other half using baby jargon, please stop immediately as you are probably being perceived as at the very least ridiculous or as a suspect pedophile. If you don’t like baby talk, what makes you think your significant other will. There is nothing cutesie-wootsie about getting all cuddly-wuddly with your wuved one and speaking like a little baby who wants a lil ba ba (You can guess what ba ba means in this case).
3. The F Bomb
Unless it is Halloween and you are compelled to be a trucker, there is no need to constantly swear. Do not be fooled by your significant other as they may not have expressed their disapproval of your vulgar language but it is certainly there, as they squeamishly smile at your dirty mouth wishing you were the gentleman or lady they originally thought they were involved with. Bad language equates to a bad attitude and a bad attitude is trouble for any relationship. I once knew a woman who swore every chance she could get. All who were left in her tailspin recall how unpleasant the conversational experience had been. Not to mention the humiliation that your partner is going through, the user of the profanity is selling themselves short, discounting how good of a person they actually may be. Take a moment to wash your mouth out with soap and start a refreshing new approach to communication.
2. The Other F Bomb and etc
If you are like me, you may find the other F bomb completely hilarious. I grew up with my brother and sister thinking farts were funny and usually the best way to make anyone laugh. Contrary to my belief, a fart is a one way to receive disapproval from your significant other. Of course, we all fart but some things need to remain private even when you are in the most comfortable partnership. Think about it: if you stink like poop, you probably will be treated like poop. Farting and burping and any other sounds or associated bodily odors are a major turn off even if your other half enjoys that type of thing from time to time. It is perfectly fine to excuse yourself from the room to release gas whether it is from your mouth or your rear. Always shower, use the bathroom with the door closed and locked, and remains as fresh as possible to remind your partner that you are exquisitely clean. Passing a stink bomb in the company of your significant other should be reserved only when you are fast asleep. Silent but deadlies and loud explosions are all acceptable if you are in dreamland.
1. Lies, Lies, and More Lies
For obvious reasons, lying tops this list of reasons on how to get dumped. Lying is not only annoying, it is completely disrespectful to your partner and to yourself. If you are in an emotional or physical relationship with someone other than your other half, you are most likely covering it up. It may be fun, but a double life gets old really fast. You are basically aging yourself double time. If you are keeping a secret that your special someone should know about and it may be time to fess up. If you are not keeping the communication lines open, withholding sex, or consistently ignoring one another, then I think you should reevaluate how honest you are being. There is a long list of actions that may not seem like a lie but definitely are. To tell a lie is very easy and most, if not all, people tell little white ones. If you are lying to your partner, you are also lying to yourself. It is perfectly fine to feel different and even to fall out of love. Once a lie is told, you will find yourself telling a series of alternative events that coincide with that original untruth. You turn into a professional liar. Rather than go through the anxiety of being dishonest, you should come clean. Are you willing to break the honesty that has been built? Are you willing to accept the consequences for your lies? Am I hurting someone? These are valuable questions to ask yourself before you start spinning the ultimate web.
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