“But we’ve been together for so long!” said the miserable person in a relationship. If you find yourself starting to make excuses about why you’re not happy, why you’re partner is not there for you, or why you feel this relationship is not what you thought it would be, then my friend it is time to end it.
Relationships may not always be easy, but that doesn’t mean they should feel like a chore. While some people may think it’s just easier to stay in the relationship they’ve invested time, energy and money in because it’s easier than starting over, they forget that they’re just prolonging the pain they’ll eventually have to deal with. There’s a common belief that once the “honeymoon phase” is over, you start fighting a lot more and there’s just more unpleasantness all around. Fact: When you’re with the right person, it only gets better. No one is perfect, all you have to do is find YOUR version of perfect.
There are always signs that a person is unhappy in a relationship, if you don’t know what they are you might want to continue reading this. Here are 15 Horrible Things People Do When They’re Not In A Happy Relationship.
15. Ignore Calls
When you’re in a new relationship, your phone is stuck to your hip in case your new partner calls or texts, but as the relationship negatively progresses, you avoid the phone calls and make faces at every text you get. When you’re happy you can’t wait for the good morning/goodnight texts, the random “I love you” texts, and the funny memes or jokes they share with you, but it’s definitely time to end the relationship if you get annoyed when you see their name on your phone. Always remember, as cheesy as it sounds, your partner should be your best friend; you should be able to share everything with them.
14. Avoid Alone Time Together
Remember when you couldn’t’ wait for that first date? Well now that feeling is gone and you find yourself avoiding all the alone time. Alone time now seems like a burden, there isn’t much to say and there’s just awkward silence; everything you talk about just seems to lead to a fight so you decide to say nothing instead. When you’re unhappy you find yourself wanting alone time to end, if you’re going out to dinner, you go to the nearest place to avoid the long car ride, and once you get there, you skip dessert because you just want to get out of there. Remember this, if you find yourself just wanting to go to the movie theatres together (since that’s the only activity you can do together that doesn’t involve talking) maybe it’s time to just move on.
13. Cheat or Flirt With Other People
Each person has a different definition of what flirting is, but deep down you know if what you’re doing is innocent or not. Let’s use this as a rule, if you start hiding things from your partner (texts, stories, people you’ve met) that’s definitely a sign that you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. Fact: if the person that you are with doesn’t satisfy you, you will find someone else that does. If you’re just the type of person that wants to have multiple partners, that’s no problem, just make sure to be clear about your expectations with your partner.
12. Talking Trash About Your Partner
We can’t find the courage to dump them but we sit there and talk about how miserable we are and how horrible they’ve treated us. When you love someone you talk with love and respect about them in their presence and absence. If you’re sitting with friends or family and all you can talk about are all the bad things your partner has done to you, it’s time to find a new one! You should always be with someone who you respect and admire. Remember that talking negatively about your partner will encourage people to do so as well.
11. Miss Important Events
When you’re unhappy in your relationship you just don’t want to be with this person, it’s simple as that. One of the signs that you are unhappy is that you start missing important events in their lives and you don’t invite them to special events in yours! Whether it’s grandma’s 90th birthday party, your brother’s graduation, or a simple family barbecue, if you find yourself not wanting to invite your significant other to a key event, maybe you need to find someone else you actually want there. Furthermore, if you find yourself hating being part of your partner’s big events, it’s also time to call it quits!
10. Fantasize About Dating Other People
You’ve always seen hot Anita from the Accounting department or Dreamy Derrick from the Sales department, but you’ve only started recently started really thinking about them! Suddenly you find yourself excited to go to work events and before going, you find yourself asking if they’re going to be there too! When you’re unhappy you start wondering how life would be like if you were dating other people or if you were just single and enjoying life; you also start noticing how all the single people around you are a lot happier than you. When you’re happy, you’re focusing on one person only, your partner.
9. Make Plans Without the Significant Other
That can mean you’re making plans to go to a chalet for the weekend with friends without tell your partner, or something as big as accepting a new job in another city without consulting your partner. When you’re in a relationship, you’re no longer making decisions that affect both of you by yourself! This should be common sense for people who are happy with their partners, they simply want to consult them with important decisions they make. Macho guys will look at it as “I make my own decisions and no one can tell me what to do!” If you find yourself with that attitude, you might not be as happy as you think, or you may have to look hard and find the girl who will accept that attitude.
8. Stop Including Your Partner In Your Future Plans
We all plan for the future, or have a vague idea of what it’s going to look like. When you’re not happy you just stop seeing your partner in your future, you stop seeing them in the new condo you want to buy, or the new city you want to move to. If you can’t see yourself making long term plans with your partner, that is definitely a red flag! If you’re not looking for a long term relationship that is no problem, just make sure to be honest with your partner. Talk with your partner and be honest about what you’re looking for; marriage? Kids? Do you want to eventually move? These are all questions you need to answer when you’re in a new relationship.
7. Forget/Neglect Important events
There are certain events that a partner is expected to celebrate: birthday, family birthdays, graduations, hospital visits and the list goes on. None of these events should feel like chore if you’re truly happy. Sure, it may not be the funnest thing in the world to go to Uncle Jim’s retirement party, but the smile on your partner’s face should compensate for the long and boring speeches! You have to be a little bit selfless if you want any relationship to work, so make sure you’re giving a little bit too rather just taking. Don’t make it all about yourself and remember the times your partner has done things for you too!
6. Lie…A lot!
When you’re unhappy you lie; to yourself about how happy you truly are, to everyone else about how you’re doing, to your partner about potential flirting or cheating, lie about why you didn’t answer your phone or that you’re too busy to take your partner out on a nice date! You lie to avoid the truth because the truth sucks, the truth can mean that you’ve just wasted the last two years with someone you have no future with. Lying to yourself usually results in two things: 1. You prolong the relationship knowing very well that it will end horribly, eventually watching it end the way you thought it would or worse. 2. You stay miserable for a very long time and just give into the feeling that maybe that’s what happiness is.
5. Eat/Drink Your Feelings Or Not Eat At All
We’re all different sometimes when we’re unhappy we eat, a lot, and other times our we’re so depressed that we can’t stand the sight of food (even mom’s favourite pot roast.) Not facing how you truly feel is extremely unhealthy! Body image can definitely affect your self esteem and self worth, so if you find that you’ve suddenly gained 30lbs, you’ll definitely have confidence issues, making it harder for you to actually take a stand to your abusive partner and say “I deserve better!” Confidence starts with you, and as superficial as that sounds, what you look like, how you dress, the new hairdo or hair colour can affect your confidence.
4. Be Miserable And Make Sure Everyone Around You Is Too
When you’re happy you’re glowing, and when you’re unhappy it is also very apparent. People who are truly content want everyone around them to be happy. “She’s just a miserable person.” How many times have we looked at a person and said that? The scary thing is that misery can lead to depression making it harder to get out. When you’re miserable you’re more pessimistic, less appreciate of the things that people do for you, and tend to feel like a helpless victim. The worst part about being miserable is that you start believing that this is a normal feeling, that relationships and life are difficult and that you’re not the only one who feels that way.
3. Throw Your Cynicism at Happy Couples
“Oh You’re just in your honeymoon phase, wait a bit and see how miserable you will be!” Sometimes when you’re miserable in a relationship you refuse to believe that other people could be genuinely happy. Relationships are not always easy, but guess what? Some people are actually happy. If you find yourself looking at happy couples with cynicism, find yourself a partner who changes that horrible image that you have of what a relationship should be like. Piece of Advice: don’t listen to anyone, there are happy couples in the world who have been together for 40+ years and still love each other more than anything.
2. Lose Your Temper More Often
How many times have we lost our marbles and come back to apologize, “sorry I was just having a bad day!” When you’re not happy with your partner you’re more on edge, easily irritable, and you’re definitely more defensive. Often when we’re unhappy we push the closest people away from us. Nobody wants to be the person who says “I feel like you’ve been unhappy lately,” because that probably won’t end well. If you’re generally a happy person but feel stressed or are more annoyed at the little things lately, take a moment and ask yourself why that is.
1. You Find Yourself Much Happier With Other People
When you love someone you want to spend as much time as possible with them. When things start going south in a relationship, you find yourself much happier when you’re with other people; you feel lighter, you’re able to laugh more, and you cringe at the “where are you text?” you get from them. If you’ve been making plans without your significant other, or find yourself enjoying your time much more when you’re alone, it’s definitely time to say goodbye! That doesn’t mean that you can’t spend time with friends alone, we’re all entitled to a boys’ or girls’ night every once in awhile, however, at the end of the night you should still love coming home to your partner rather than dreading it.
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