Ever gotten so low you thought about crime? Probably not, if you did, you must be reading this from jail lol. But at some point in our lives, we have all thought about crime, even if it was getting back at your elementary school bully by gorging his eyes out of his sockets. If you haven’t, then be rest assured you have a seat in heaven.
Crime is relative, breaking the law for money is often the lead cause of crime, and most of the time the perpetrators risk their lives and freedom for the lavish rewards that come with it. If you are a nerd, you’ve probably thought of taking a bank hostage, or hedge fund, for all the money they have stolen off hard working Americans. And if you are hot, then you have probably wondered how much you would get for your decent looks on a night in the city. Well, the old saying that crime doesn’t pay might not be true after-all and for many people around the world, a life in crime actually earns them a living, and a very good one to be precise. In case you are wondering what you have been missing being a goodie two shoes, here are 15 illegal jobs that pay very well.
The hitman or assassin, well, probably not a career for anyone since you need the perfect combination of combat skill, stealth, and discretion (Not a lot of criminals have that). One of the perks of being a hitman is that you will get to travel a lot and to really awesome destinations also. However, you might need to live with the fact that your occupation means committing murder, that’s a lot of ghosts in your closet. Being a hitman really pays a lot, and skilled assassins can make tens of thousands of dollars for a single hit. One of the drawbacks is in case you get nabbed, it might mean a trip to the lethal injection booth, there’s no getting out of that.
14. Professional Embezzler
Well, this is a career path that requires a well read and intelligent individual, probably need to have gone through school and passed with high grades in mathematics, which beats the fact why you would go into crime. All in all, the job involves alleviating overtaxed businesses of their excess profits, a bit of cooking their books here and there. One of the benefits is that you will get to feel like a regular employee but with a fatter check at the end of the day. However, embezzlement is becoming a really hard gig to pull off since companies go through vigorous audits nowadays.
13. Narcotics Dealer
This job is more or less like that of a pharmacist, a mad pharmacist to be precise. But instead of offering antibiotics to sick people, you will be distributing drugs made by the less reputable Columbian manufacturers and meth labs. Perks of this job is in case you find a great corner in your neighbourhood less prone with cops and mostly frequented by junkies, then you can reel in hefty profits. A drawback in this career is that there’s a very high chance it will get violent, and in case you are not packing heat, you are better off running a lemonade stand in a funfair.
12. Brothel Operator
Perhaps one of the oldest jobs in the world, right after prostitution, and equally illegal. With the right location, beautiful women, and a high level of discretion, this career could lead you right into the list of new millionaires in town. While running a brothel is legal in some states, its not in others, but one of the perks of running such an institution is that there will always be an ever growing pool of customers, trust me it never gets old. One of the drawbacks is that everyone around you probably has 5 STDs at any given time. Well, what do you think?
11. Dirty Cop
Well, this often seems like a greedy occupation to have, considering the fact YOU ALREADY HAVE A JOB! This job involves shooting bad guys during the day and partying with them at night. Might also involve stealing from bad guys. The perfect supplement for an underpaid law enforcement officer. The benefits of this career path is that you get to earn more doing exactly what you have always done, and sometimes even less. Its really hard to get caught since the only people who really know what you do are criminals (no one will rat you out – it’s the supposed criminal code). At the end of the day, however, you might get shot, there’s no honour among thieves!
Back in 2008, the Russian mafia stole about $9 million from ATM’s throughout the world without physically defacing them or using excessive force. All they had to do was to clone debit cards and boosting their withdrawal limits and voilà they were able to cash out huge amounts of bills without any confrontation. Pretty decent career for a nerd if you ask me. However, in case you get caught, it might mean spending a long time behind bars. The limits to which hacking pays is limitless, you need the right amount of patience, intelligence and discretion to pull this off.
9. Drug Lord
Drug peddlers earn a decent living, enough to drive expensive luxury vehicles and party throughout the year without getting broke, however, the Drug Lords are way above the peddlers pay grade. Pablo Escobar lost millions of dollars every day, not because business was bad, or that his consignments got busted, but because he had a rat problem. The rats were chewing millions of dollars every single day at his storage. But like all Drug Lords, the drawbacks to this career are often grim, if law enforcement doesn’t catch-up with you at the end of the day and shoot you off your roof, you might end up being a fugitive all your life.
Smugglers make a killing transporting smuggled goods across the globe. It’s a fairly risky job, but the rewards are worth it. You could earn well over a million dollars in a single trip flying cocaine from Cuba to Los Angeles. This is a very difficult task to pull of nowadays since there’s a lot of surveillance both at sea and in the skies out for a UFO. Low caliber smugglers are known as mules, and that means carrying smaller amounts of drugs through borders. To be a mule you must be great at hiding stuff in small places, we don’t have to go into details for that.
7. Con Artist
You have probably been conned in your life, always a very depressing affair to be made a fool of. Well, Con artists make a decent pay depending on the heist they are pulling off. It takes a really intelligent con artist to pull a great con; you will also need to be confident and believable. You also need to be patient; some cons take several months before they receive a pay off. Con artists prey on greedy people, hence the saying: if the deal looks too good, think twice! The drawback to this gig is once you get caught, you will be looking at a lot of time in a correctional facility.
Depending on your morals, you can decide to be a pimp. You better be ready for running from battles, street fights and occasional busts from police during raids. While most people would be shocked to know this, but pimps make a decent living doing what they do (there’s a reason why prostitution is the oldest occupation after all). Back in 2014, a research study on the pimping industry revealed that on average a pimp, in Jersey, New York, Atlanta or D.C makes about $5000 to $35,000 a week. Explains how they are able to afford those fancy clothes and cars. Pimping is worth a try!
5. Ponzi Schemer
Well, this occupation is almost similar to the con artist, however, the Ponzi schemers often use the same tactics all the time, and they always work. In case you are afraid of the violent side of crime, you could try this out. The job entails investing money from one group of people, then use the money from the investment from another group to pay for the dividends. It’s always important to ensure the investment is always getting generated to assure the first, second and third group think their money is always earning something. At the right time, the schemer can get away to a tropical island and enjoy his earnings after swindling all his customers.
This is perhaps one of the most heartless crimes one can ever commit for the joys of living the fast life. It’s probably fading out faster than drug trafficking due to tight regulations and scrutiny of wildlife and animal trade across the globe. Poachers make up to $10 billion a year selling endangered animal species and animal products such as ivory. Just like drug trafficking, it’s becoming increasingly hard to move this kind of consignment around the world, and there are high chances of getting busted. But for those who are lucky enough to pull it off, the rewards are unbelievable. The drawback is you will have to live with the fact that future generations won’t have a chance of seeing some of the endangered animal species because of you.
3. Counterfeit Medication Trade
This is perhaps one of the worst crimes anyone can ever commit. You probably need to have a really cold heart and a dark mind to pull off this job. Medication is increasingly getting expensive and especially when it comes to lifestyle diseases. Therefore selling fake medication could get you a lot of money for completely nothing. Fake medication in Asia accounts for about $1.6 billion a year, it, however, results in the death of patients who direly need the medication. Drawback is, you will have to live with the fact that millions of people are dying due to your selfish actions.
2. Illegal Weapons Trade
To be accurate, pretty much anything that the common population should not be involved in can turn out to be a lucrative crime opportunity, and this includes weapons trade. Weapons trade alone accounts for up to $1 billion a year on the black market. Making certain weapons that are outlawed in some countries available can get you a decent pay. The drawback to this kind of trade is that, more often than not, individuals in need of these weapons are cold blooded killers, they wouldn’t waste a minute killing you in case they felt its too much of a hassle paying you.
1. Natural Resource Trafficking
We all know natural resources are the main source of disputes and war all over the world. Good examples are oil producing countries in the Middle East or diamond and gold rich countries in Africa. These minerals are highly valuable and according to statistics, they account for up to $7 billion in criminal revenue. Natural resource trafficking doesn’t only have to be about diamond and gold, timber smuggling in the Amazon has made a few people rich in Asia. Natural resource smuggling pays extremely well, to the patient and calculative criminal. You will have to be a little smart to pull this off.
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