Overall, the last couple of years have been great for tech. Silicon Valley and other major tech cities have been flooding the market with very creative and thoughtful gadgets, almost making us forget how life was before it all. Imagine going back to the 19th century, living without a smartphone, PC, or even something as simple as a coffee maker. Sigh, Abraham Lincoln and his folks must have been extremely handy.
Well, our addiction has made tech the new drug money. Now that inventors are raking in heaps of cash, on a daily, almost on an hourly basis, everyone wants a piece of the action. And sadly, it’s not going so well for a bulk of the so called new breed of techies, who continue to come up with gadgets that are so exceptionally useless, that they ought to be immortalized in their own way.
Innovation and entrepreneurship is commendable, but let’s face it. There are many gadgets that we’ll never quite understand how they ever saw the light of day. But, unfortunately, one way of another, they eventually did. Here are 15 of the most incredibly unnecessary tech gadgets you shouldn’t even spend a dime on:
15. Rubato Clock
This is a clock that is meant to make you more productive. No, it will not do the heavy lifting, or stop time. It barely alters your perception of time, by moving faster to make you feel like you’re running out of time. So theoretically, you’ll be forced to work faster and more efficiently to keep up with the ‘time’.
Of course we hate weeds. And no, we’re not talking about the drug. So it must have been pretty exciting to learn about the heatweed, a gadget engineered to kill weeds right from the roots. On paper, getting rid of weeds through a flameless heat source seems like a brilliant idea. Well, at least until you get to the fine print part.
It takes 10-15 minutes of placing it over a weed to kill the plant. So it could take you at least a day to work on a typical home garden – a job that should take just a couple of minutes to an hour using the more natural removal-by-hand method.
13. NoPhone Zero
This gadget is so absurd that it makes you cringe every time you think about it.
It’s no secret that phone addiction is increasingly growing among smart phone users. So, what do you to help addicts? I guess they should have thought about a phone rehab or something, but a group of ‘innovators’ came up with a brick and named it ‘NoPhone Zero’.
It’s actually a piece of plastic which theoretically, should serve as a comfort blanket for people fighting addiction. Unbelievably, its creators assumed that feeling that familiar shape and weight could gradually get people less engrossed in their smartphones. And no, it’s not free. It will cost you $5.
12. Denso Vacuum Cleaner Shoes
This is inarguably one of the biggest disasters to come out of Japan since Godzilla. Some genius from auto parts manufacturer Denso thought it would be a good idea to save people from the strenuous practice of operating a vacuum cleaner, by embedding one in a shoe. Theoretically, you should be able to vacuum clean your carpet by awkwardly shuffling your feet around as you walk.
The shoes boast of a very thick sole, which also doubles up as its engine room, complete miniature dust box. So even if you actually enjoy awkwardly waddling around on your carpet, you’ll grow tired of making multiple trips to get rid of the dust.
11. Drowse-Buster E
Coffee processors should be especially enraged by this one. Someone took Chinese acupuncture way too seriously. So seriously that he decided to throw biology and logical thinking out through the window. The gadget is designed to send impulses through your earlobe acupoints, to trick or rather force the brain to stay awake.
10. Umbrella Drone
Ok, we get it. Everyone hates getting rained on. That’s why umbrellas were invented in the first place. And sometimes holding one over your head could be a little tiring. But we doubt that someone would be bothered enough to spend more than two thousand dollars on a rather unbelievable type of umbrella – introducing the not so impressive umbrella drone.
Now that everything is going hands free, someone decided to stretch it a bit too much with a flying umbrella. Imagine all the things that could go wrong with one flying over your head. What happens when you board a train? Are they capable of even avoiding each other’s flight paths when two people meet?
Of course sitting on the toilet staring at the tiles and the ceiling is boring. That’s why smartphones were invented, right? So, what do you do to share the fun with kids who are still potty training? We thought we’d seen it all till someone introduced an iPotty.
It’s a basic plastic potty with an extra support arm for an iPad. Not bad, not bad at all, at least for kids who become conversant with iPads way before they ultimately learn how to use an actual toilet. There’s something fundamentally backwards about this whole concept, don’t you think?
8. Pause Box
Now here’s another gadget for phone addicts. Everyone seemingly has a problem with how we use our smartphones these days. Well, some John Connors came up with Pause, a box that simply blocks all Wi-Fi and cell signals. It’s a ‘phone coffin’ that keeps your phone silent and disconnected, possibly to prevent Judgment Day and the launch of Skynet.
7. The Emperor 200
No, this is not the Maybach of C workstations, it’s more like a space shuttle. Forget the mainstream seat and worktable setup. Here’s a $49,000 mother-of-all workstations, which comes with Bose sound system, Android touch screen controls, air filtration system, adjustable climate package, and 2 LCD monitors, all installed around a leather seat.
If you’d like a more comprehensive one, punch a hole right in middle of the seat to make a perfect adult iPotty. They should have also considered a couple of wheels and a steering wheel, just in case you actually have to go to work.
We’ve seen fitness trackers embedded in smartphones and watches, but we’ve never actually thought that it would ultimately show up in belts. Belty is everything you don’t need in a belt – a fitness tracker that challenges you to stand up straight, drink more water and climb more stairs. More like a mum in belt form.
With simple dress accessories now crossing the line, technology is inadvertently heading in the wrong direction. We need belts to do exactly what they’re meant for – holding our pants up, nothing more.
5. Travel Trac Book Caddy
Well, here’s an additional accessory that cyclers can boast about. While vehicles are still stuck at cup holders, a couple of nerds came up with exactly what bikers need – a book holder. If safety is not such a big deal to you, it would cost only a couple of bucks to install the steel plate, and maybe catch up with a couple of your favorite chapters as you ride downhill.
4. Quitbit Lighter
Of course quitting smoking could be a herculean task, especially if you’re already on a couple of sticks a day. That’s why there are already a couple of options to help addicted smokers through the entire process. But strangely, and rather ironically, here’s a lighter that comes with trackers to help smokers gradually reduce the number of cigarettes they smoke per day.
Yeah, we know a good cause when we see one. But isn’t a lighter a bit too far-fetched? And while at it, they should have probably also come up with a bottle opener for helping alcoholics quit the bottle.
3. AeroDream One
Here’s proof that musicians should just stick to music and leave tech gadgets to the gurus. Jean Michel Jarre, French electronic music pioneer, has come up with an unbelievably tall charger/speaker system, which comes with a steel ladder to help you get your phone to the top. The 11.1 foot, 560,000 dollar unit produces an impressive 10,000 watts of power, and comes with two VIP tickets to Jean’s show.
2. Gresso Cruiser Phones
If you thought Apple was ridiculously costly for correspondingly outdated tech, think again. Gresso Cruiser phones have seemingly borrowed a leaf, and gone ahead to overstretch the whole concept. The shiny mobile phone looks pretty good, but only as useful as a 2003 Symbian handset. And guess what? It costs between $1,800 and $3,000.
1. Photovoltaic Bikini
What’s the biggest problem experienced by people at the beach? No, definitely not the danger of drowning, or high waves. It’s got to be lack of sufficient ports to charge their phones. Because, why would you even bother going to the beach if you can’t take underwater selfies?
The photovoltaic bikini is exactly what its name suggests. A bikini of photovoltaic film strips attached together to produce enough power to charge your phone. At least sunbathing will now be power production activity. Priceless, right?
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