You probably saw her on some online dating site, fell in love with her and promptly hit her inbox requesting for a date. However, the two of you never lasted past the first date. Why?
On the first date, most men pay attention to how they dress, the perfume they wear and their general body language, forgetting something very important – their words. Most women have come to reveal that despite the niceties of the great cologne, excellent dressing and great food, words that their dates utter go a long way in determining whether there will be a second date or not.
This is because women are great listeners in as much as they are great observers. They will definitely take note of the clothes you wore to the date, the restaurant you took them to but above all, they will pay close attention to the words that you will use.
So, how do you know whether the words you are using are hurting or encouraging the possibilities of second date?
Instead of looking at the right phrases to use when you are sipping coffee at Java or any other fancy restaurant, let us have a look at 15 dangerous phrases that should never leave your mouth on your first day out.
15. You are so pretty
This simple compliment sounds so innocent, yet it can have serious repercussions on the first date. The truth is, ladies are usually not offended by the phrase but the moment it is said every five minutes, things promptly go south.
This is because overusing the phrase “You are so pretty” most of the times leaves you looking needy and desperate. But that is not the only issue. Most ladies now complain that the phrase has been so watered down, that it can be used on any other lady out there, making it less special. Instead, a direct compliment like “I love the green flecks in your eyes” can be more appealing to the ladies.
14. You are not like other girls
Men’s instincts will direct them that this is a subtle compliment but to most ladies, this is the most inappropriate phrase you can ever let out of your mouth. On the surface, the “innocent” compliment is meant to tell your date that she is special from the rest of the girl-team, but that is not how she interprets it.
Instead, the phrase only comes out as “I have a very low opinion on girls, but you are that special snowflake.” Ladies are not friendly to such rather chauvinistic terms and it might just make you miss out on a second date with her.
Nothing turns off women more than the constant use of this phrase. Women are usually offended when they are constantly referred to as females, even if she is not the particular subject of discussion. It might be your nagging neighbor you are referring to, but this term should not appear anywhere in your speech. Why?
Women often interpret this phrase as a sign that you have a very low opinion on them. They find this phrase too demeaning, as it can be used to refer to animals of the opposite gender. But they are not animals. They are humans. They deserve a little more respect.
12. I live with my parents
The last thing you want to do on your first date is appear as if you are mama’s boy or worse still, you are afraid of responsibility. That is exactly what this phrase implies.
However, this doesn’t mean that you lie to your date on the first day out, if you really still live with your parents. Most of the time, women brush this phrase off if it is accompanied with a satisfactory explanation such as “I mm there because of college, or because I’m working on my PhD”, or any other goal that you wish to accomplish in your life. Just make sure your goals reflect a worthwhile ambition that can have her ignore the fact that you still stay with your folks. If these are not your reasons, then she will probably walk away and never come back.
11. Wanna go steady?
This old-fashioned phrase lost its spark ages ago. Back in the 1950s, spitting this phrase pushed a lot of buttons in the ladies back then, but not now. This is because, back then, a man who immediately showed his commitment to marriage sounded super cool but today, it only makes you sound desperate.
Today’s women want to get to know you more before they can start making any future plans. You might have loved her at first sight, but trying to insinuate that you are already making future plans will leave you with no plan for a second date.
10. My Ex…
It is a cardinal rule in the dating world – leave your ex in your past. Some men however forget this rule and most of the time, they will find themselves uttering the phrase “My ex” in one of their statements. To the ladies, this is a serious turn-off, especially on the first date.
Eventually, you may have to speak about your previous relationships but that is not the topic for the first date. Most women find it disrespectful and a clear show that you are more occupied by your ex, instead of the woman sitting right in front of you.
9. I have hypnotherapy tomorrow
We all have that “weird stuff’ that we do. It might be an OCD of not using anything blue or any other weird taste. However, that information is not for the first date.
Some guys get booted on the first date because they reveal too much for their dates to handle. Relationship experts advise that you should just reveal a little of your shared interests on the first day out. The weird stuff should be left for later dates. Such was the case of Leslie who never showed up for a second date after the guy simply said, “I’m having hypnotherapy tomorrow”, because she didn’t like “spiritual people’.
8. Let me get you drinking
You might be a heavy drinker, but forcing your date to go on a drinking spree with you is not a great idea, especially on the first date. Some ladies are abstainers or simply try to be sober during their first date thus using phrases such as “Let me get you drinking,” can really put her off.
Too much talk of booze on the first date is also a bad idea. Such conversations generate phrases that are usually interpreted by the ladies as a sign of no respect for boundaries, especially if she was not interested the first time you offered a drink.
When dealing with women, age sensitive terms can be a real turn off. Most ladies have confessed to abandoning a guy on the first date because they simply couldn’t stop using age-sensitive terms such as “cougar.” It can get pretty offensive considering its context of use these days.
The best explanation for this is that women for the longest time have found it quite inappropriate to profile them based on their age. Whether you are taking out a lady in her 20s or one in her 40s, steer clear of terms that might suggest that you are profiling them based on their age.
6. Let’s get drunk and kinky
Ladies love to be taken slow. However, uttering a phrase such as “Let’s get drunk and kinky” can quickly make her lose interest in you. But those are not the only suspect phrases.
Anything suggesting that you wish to get intimate with her can make things go south really quick. Some ladies have been put off by men who on the first date whispered in their ear, “I can’t wait to have your hands in my pants”. The problem with all this kinky talk on day one is that it makes women feel interchangeable.
5. Halle Berry is so hot
Phrases such as this immediately send signals to the ladies that you are not paying attention to her, but to other ladies. It might sound subtle to talk about how hot Nicki Minaj is, but that is not what your date is interested in. As a matter of fact, she is a lady just like them. Where are her complements?
Phrases such as this are usually interpreted as a sign that you are a player. Even complementing the hot blonde seated in the next table can have you dumped before the second date. The best thing is to avoid all ladies around you or in your mind, and concentrate on the one seated with you.
4. Why don’t you have any children?
Women find it offensive when they are immediately challenged about their choices in life. That is why phrases like “Why don’t you still have children?” don’t go over so well with the ladies, especially on the first date.
Similar phrases such as “Why aren’t you married yet?” may also come out wrong. In her mind, you should only be interested in less personal things, especially on the first date. The best thing to do is not ask about her quite personal choices in life, but rather ask about something more interesting, like what her career entails. Too personal questions can quickly get offensive.
Men, you have to avoid moving in too quickly. She might be so into you on the first date, or so it seems, but whatever the case, the word “baby” should not be uttered at all. Telenovelas usually get it all wrong, leading us to believe that a sweet term will get her so into you. It doesn’t work.
According to a poll done by Match.com/Happen Magazine, 88.4% of singles prefer being called by name on the first date. Men who quickly get into “Baby mode” are deemed as players, making the lady rush out of the relationship faster than she came in.
2. Do you like guacamole?
Dating ladies from different cultures can be an amazing experience, if you know the right words to use. This phrase is not one of them, especially on Mexican ladies.
Most of the time, the lack of awareness of the cultures and traditions of a lady you have taken out on a date can make you lose their interest, especially if you ask awkward questions like this. Most ladies complain that such phrases, especially when they are seriously explaining their culture to the man, makes them feel stereotyped. If you really have to ask about her culture, ask more respectful questions like, “What food does your family love?”
1. Umh, You Decide
You are out on your first date and she asks you what you plan to do next and you tell her, “Umh, you decide.” That is suicide!
When ladies leave a decision up to you, they are testing you to see how you can rise up to the challenge and make an informed decision. Sometimes it is sexy to ask her what food she would like to eat, or what movie she would like to watch but when she throws in a cue for you to decide, you need to man up.
Indecisive men appear as lazy or uninterested to ladies. This is not a good idea if you want a second date.
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