It is estimated that 240 million calls are made to 911 in the US every year. 911, being the emergency number you can call whenever you are in trouble, is arguably the first number that every American ever memorized. It’s also illegal to call the number for other purposes such as prank calls, or situations that are not emergencies. For the benefit of the dumb people we are about to discuss, we’d rather explain what an emergency is. Call 911 only when there is a life-threatening situation and every second counts. These instances include heart attacks, uncontrolled asthma attacks, uncontrolled fires, armed robberies in progress, serious car accidents, child births in progress, or other similar situations. Sadly, even though the general public understands when to make the call, 15% to 20% of incoming 911 calls are non-emergencies. Worse still, some of the reasons people call 911 are so dumb that an operator wishes to have a unit of qualified slappers who can be dispatched whenever people make such calls.
Below are 15 extremely silly reasons people have called 911. Who do you think should be slapped back to his or her senses the hardest?
15. Her Legs Were Turning Blue
So much evil can happen at night, hence a 911 call at 2:00 am is a sure indication that the situation is dire. Well, not in this case, when a lady called 911 in these wee hours, complaining that her legs were turning blue. I imagine she thought that she was turning into a Smurf! Turns out that she had worn a new pair of blue jeans to the club that night, and the blue undertone on her legs was just normal and indicative of the fading that some new jeans do. I mean, what did she expect to see after sweating in her new jeans?
14. A Deer Swam Across A River
Deer are indeed adorable antelopes with very soft and attractive brown fur covering their body. They are also graceful and I can’t imagine anyone who would hate them. What’s hard to imagine though is that a concerned deer lover would call 911 to say that a deer crossed the river behind her house and she’s worried that it’s cold. First of all, what is 911 going to do about a deer getting cold? Send an ambulance with blankets, a flask of warm ginger tea, and a thermometer to monitor temperature? C’mon!
13. A Squirrel On Top Of A Telephone Pole
Just like deer, we love squirrels, although they can be very destructive in corn fields. The fur on their tail is elegant and their posture when nibbling, is really adorable. But still, we wouldn’t call 911 to report a squirrel emergency, would we? Well, a girl in gym class at a local high school thought it wise to call 911, in complete panic because she had spotted a squirrel on top of a telephone pole at the school, and it wasn’t coming down. I am left to wonder, did she think that this was an attempted squirrel suicide? Maybe she would wait there pleading with it before the police came, saying, ‘Oh poor squirrel, come down, you have a whole field of corn to eat ahead of you. Life isn’t that bad, you know.’
12. Drunken Man Being Harassed… Or Not
A drunken man once called 911 complaining that he was being harassed. The truth of the matter was that the alleged offenders were police officers sent to arrest him, for throwing pizza at other people. Well, was he buying pizza to throw at people, or was he standing outside Pizza Hut or Dominos snatching pizza from customers and throwing it at other people? Why would he even throw away pizza? Couldn’t he just eat all of it and sleep because he was too full to walk or throw anything?
11. Microwave Missing… Wasn’t His In The First Place
With a whole day handling serious emergencies that sometimes end badly, maybe with victims dying or getting threats from offenders, the last thing an operator wants is a silly joke. Well, this is what one operator had to contend with when a rather stupid caller complained that a microwave he didn’t even own had gone missing. Although the operator was pissed off, he was still courteous enough to point out that the issue wasn’t an emergency, which was followed by the caller indicating how hungry he was! In my view, that’s when slap squad would be really handy.
10. How To Get Cranberry Sauce Out Of The Can
A 911-operator received a call from a breathless man who spoke with a panicky voice. He couldn’t quite figure out how to get cranberry sauce out of the can, and so he called 911 to learn how to get the sauce out of the can, without it coming out in chunks. The operator was even gracious enough to give an answer, something I wouldn’t do. He was asked to open the other end and slide it out on a plate! Of course, he responded elatedly thanking the operator for being so brilliant.
9. The Cat And Husband Were Stuck On A Tree
A 911 operator had an interesting caller, a woman who was stressed because her cat was stuck on a tree. The operator immediately knew that the woman needed her to dispatch the fire department to go and save the cat, and she prepared a very good lecture on how that’s only a stunt pulled in movies and TV to makes things a little bit more interesting in the program. Before the operator could voice her thoughts, the woman proceeded to say that her husband climbed the tree to save the cat, and he was stuck there too.
8. She Was Being Shot At… No. Actually, Boiling Eggs Were Exploding
One woman called 911 because she thought that her house was being shot at. She was so scared and upon further probe by the operator, she remembered what she was doing before she heard the ‘gunshots’. She was actually boiling eggs on her stove, when they exploded. Although this was a dumb reason to call 911, the operator said that she felt like hugging the caller since she was a little old lady. You understand how they forget things sometimes.
7. Woman Was Getting Arrested By The Police, Called 911
Just like the drunken man who was being arrested for causing havoc, a different person, this time a sober lady, was arrested by the police. The most interesting thing is that she called 911 complaining that there were men in her house trying to take her away. Maybe she expected 911 to send anti-police police? Anyway, she ended up at the police station to answer for her crimes. In my view, she should have saved the energy and time used to call 911 to call her lawyer instead, if she had one in the first place.
6. Huge Fire… Wait, No. The Sun’s Rising
Sarah’s boyfriend usually worked a late shift, walked home about 2:00 am. On this particular day, he got off work late and as he was walking home, he saw a huge fire, or so he thought. Living in a fire prone area, and being the season for fires, he immediately called 911, obviously scared and in major panic mode. All he could say was, ‘it’s getting bigger. Doesn’t anybody else see this?’ He was also shocked by how much the ‘fire’ was lighting up the sky, until he realized that it was the sun rising. At least he apologized, pointing out that he wasn’t usually out at that time of the night.
5. A Deer In Shorts Was Dead
One guy frantically called emergency services saying that he saw the body of a young woman, in her early 20s, wearing nothing but shorts, lying dead by the side of the interstate. He even went further to describe in detail the hair and skin color, as well as body position. The operator figured out that this was a really fresh scene and so tried to quickly assemble a team that would go to the exact location, although it was rush hour and there was just too much going on. The guy decided to check the scene again while waiting for the forensics and police teams to arrive, when he realized that it was actually a dead deer! What was a deer doing in shorts by the way?
4. A ‘Bobcat’ Didn’t Let People Get Into The Library
A guy called 911, clearly out of breath, petrified about a bobcat that was acting wild and preventing people from entering or leaving the library. Since there was a police officer close by, he was immediately patched in, and the caller was asked not to hang up, while the officer made his way there. Meanwhile, the policeman asked if people were stranded and crammed up at the entrance, and if there was any kind of havoc. Upon reaching there, he found a tabby cat perched on a bench, minding its business. He even pet it and it rolled over to allow the police man scratch its belly. The caller’s reaction? He said, ‘Oh! Someone has domesticated it!’
3. He Couldn’t Bribe A Clerk
This case is probably the reason this guy should immediately turn into a teetotaler. One day, Sam’s drunk self walked into a store and needed to buy beer, but the clerk wouldn’t let him because he had no ID, and he wasn’t 21 yet. The operator explained that the clerk couldn’t sell him beer because he was a minor. What followed deserves popcorn. The underage boy went on to explain to the operator that he usually bribed clerks to sell him beer, and that’s why he was drunk in the first place! He also pleaded with the operator to coerce the clerk to accept the bribe, but the operator opted to send an officer in person. The drunken boy foolishly obliged, and even waited for the officer.
2. A Stuffed Buffalo Fell On Him
Vicious animal attacks sure put the authorities on their heels. Nobody wants a wild animal causing havoc in the neighborhood. Well, this is why 911 responded very fast when a man called stating that a buffalo had fallen on him. The man had a hobby of keeping dead stuffed animals in his house, and what had actually fallen on him was his own stuffed water buffalo head. What’s funnier is that he wondered how the buffalo fell on him, though he didn’t shoot it.
1. Hamburger-Eating Cat
We love burgers, don’t we? People have even been dumped for eating their partners’ burgers! Burger offenses can clearly get so personal, and this is exactly what one woman thought when her cat feasted on her hamburger. Melisa craved for a burger and ordered for one. Well, it seems her cat loved hamburgers too and when she left for the fridge to get a soft drink, her cat took the opportunity and rewarded itself for being so cute. This, according to Melisa, was a 911-situation and she stated, ‘911, my cat ate my hamburger!’
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