The girl of your dreams is recently single. Hooray! You have your chance to swoop in and save the day, or at least make your move to show her how much better you are than the dude who just kicked her to the curb. There’s just one little problem. She’s not responding to your advances or your attempt to replace her ex. Why is this happening? Well, there are a lot of reasons that lead to women acting a little weird after they break up with someone, especially if they’ve been with that person for a long time.
So, how do you figure out what her deal is? There are a lot of factors that go into her response to a breakup, and they can all play a role in how she acts toward new prospects in the pool of possible suitors, so, let’s take a look at how you can evaluate whether or not she’s ready to date again based on these 15 reasons she prefers her ex over you.
15. Fond Memories
If she has fond memories of her ex, you’re in a good spot. Just because they broke up doesn’t necessarily mean that they broke up on good terms. Perhaps it was a mutual decision that led to her new single life. If that’s the case, she may be focussing on the good times that she had during her relationship. She could also still hold out hope that the few things that led to the end of the relationship might even change, and that she could bring things back to the way they were with her ex. It’s not uncommon that people act this way shortly after a relationship ends. Though, it is uncommon that things do change and the relationship reignites.
14. Conveniently Forgetting The Bad Memories
If she’s not thinking about the good things, it’s very possible that she’s forgetting the bad things. Sure, he cheated on her, but she’s focussing on how good the lovin’ was. Perhaps he didn’t treat her with respect, but she’s focusing on the diamonds he bought her. Whatever the case may be, if she’s hung up on her ex, she’s probably not thinking about all of the times he made her cry or how often they fought. This is a survival mechanism brought on by trying to understand why things have changed. It’s the mind’s natural defenses telling her that things weren’t so bad, even if they were.
13. The Grass Is Greener
If you started dating someone who can’t seem to stop thinking about or talking about her ex, you may hear some very common lines that start with, “Well he never…” or “He would do this for me…” or “He always…” It’s hard to hear yourself compared to another person, especially if that other person hurt your girl’s feelings and she’s making him look better than you. If this is happening to you, just know she’s having some moments where it is clear the grass is greener on the other side. If this is the case, don’t fight about it, just excuse yourself from the relationship. She clearly can’t make up her mind about what she wants.
12. She Doesn’t Want You To Be a Rebound
There are several cases where a freshly single woman will turn you down simply because she wants you to be more than a rebound. She may tell you things like she needs more time, or she isn’t ready for a relationship just yet. When this happens, make sure you give her some space. Don’t push her into moving too fast, especially if she just got out of a long-term relationship. Trust me, it’s not fair to either of you. If you’re totally cool being her rebound rather than her next suitor, let her know how you feel. However, make sure you’re ready for the rebound life.
11. Different Bedroom Styles
If you’re in a relationship, and she still talks about her ex (especially with her friends), it could be that you and her ex have different approaches in the bedroom. It’s not to say she likes one over the other. However, if she was in a long-term relationship with him, there could be things she became comfortable with in the bedroom. This is where a tough conversation needs to be had. Be open and honest with your wants and needs in the bedroom, and ask her to be open and honest with her wants and needs in the bedroom. If the issue is different bedroom styles, perhaps the two of you can create your own bedroom identity to help her get out of the mindset that her ex’s way was the only way.
10. She’s Just Not Into You
If you’re pursuing a newly single woman, it’s important to understand that the problem might not be that she’s more into her ex than she’s into you. The problem might just be the fact that she really just isn’t into you. In this case, move on. If you’re not sure if she’s just having some post-relationship psychological troubles or if she’s not into you, don’t be afraid to ask. Asking for honesty is never a problem, and she wouldn’t want to be strung along in a potential relationship, so why should you have to put up with that? Putting yourself out there will be worth the time and energy you’ll save if she doesn’t want a relationship with you.
9. She Had a Connection to Him
When long-term relationships end, it’s hard to say how much time it will take either partner to actually get over the connection they had with each other. Sometimes, it’ll take years, and even if she’s dating again, she might still think about that connection. This isn’t necessarily a sign that you should end the relationship. However, it’s definitely a sign that the two of you should talk. Even if the relationship ended painfully, she could still feel that connection. This doesn’t mean she should never date again; however, if you get her to start talking about it, you will get all of the answers you need.
8. He Keeps Calling Her
The case of the ex continuing to leave his mark on her brain can be an issue. If he left her and he continues to contact her, something is up. She’s probably not cheating on you, but she isn’t getting the proper space she needs to fully heal from the end of their relationship. If this is the case, make sure you know what is going on. Having a partner who is honest about these correspondences makes it easier for you to talk her away from responding to her ex. However, if she’s hiding it from you, you might want to rethink your relationship with her on every level.
7. It’s Not You, It’s Her
Ultimately, if she is more into her ex than you, you should never take it personally. Whether you’re dating this girl or trying to date her, she is the one who needs to get over her ex. If she’s not over him, she’ll talk about him all the time. If she wants to get back together with him, she’ll talk about the good times she had with him. Don’t go trying to change a girl who needs to work on herself. Give her space. If you’re dating her, suggest a break. If you’re not dating her, take a break from pursuing her. It’ll save you a lot of time and heartache in the future.
6. She’s Not Over It
Again, if she isn’t over it, she isn’t going to be in any kind of position to give you the attention you need as a partner in a relationship. Remember, if she’s getting out of a long-term relationship, there is no timeline on her healing process. It’s something she is going to have to get through on her own. You can help and offer advice, but that might bring you into the friend zone, and if that happens, it’ll be a little more difficult to start dating her when she actually is ready for a relationship. Giving her space is key in this situation.
5. She Wants Him Back
Going along with her not being over the breakup, she could still be holding out hope that the relationship will somehow magically rekindle. This can come in tandem with a few other items on this list, including the fact that he’s still contacting her. If she wants him back, you can bet your bottom dollar that there is no way the two of you will be able to start any kind of significant relationship. Step away, man; it’s the only way you’re going to get through this one with your sanity. If she wants him back, she doesn’t want you, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
4. He Got In Her Head
Whether she’s starting to date again or she isn’t ready for dating, if she’s constantly thinking about him, then he got in her head. Mind games aren’t uncommon at the ends of relationships, and everyone is susceptible to them. This is not gender specific. This mostly stems from a need to have the last word, but can also come from not wanting to seem like an a-hole or b as the person who ended the relationship. Either way, if he got into her head, she’s definitely not ready for a new relationship, and it’s something that she is going to have to get over on her own time. You can help her through it, or hang back until she’s processed what is happening to her.
3. She Doesn’t Want to Start another Relationship
While ending a relationship can be an emotional rollercoaster, many women who recently got out of long relationships will not want to start a new one immediately or in the foreseeable future. This only means one thing for you: you’re not going to start a relationship with her anytime soon. If you’re just looking for a good time, maybe you can help her out on that end, but if she is caught up on her ex or working to get over him, attempting to start a relationship with her isn’t in your best interest by any means.
2. She’s Still Trying To Figure It Out
After a relationship, both men and women like to analyze the events that took place and how things could have been different under different circumstances. On one hand, she’s trying to figure out where she went wrong and how to be a better girlfriend for future boyfriends. On the other hand, she’s analyzing the things she liked and didn’t like in her previous relationship. This will help her gain a greater understanding of what she is really looking for in a relationship, and how she can get those things. If this is the case, again, you’ll have to hang back before making your move. If this is happening while you’re dating her, you may consider the fact that she started dating too soon after her last relationship and suggest a break for the two of you until she figures everything out.
1. There Are Things She Likes About Him
If you’re dating a girl who can’t seem to get her mind off her ex, you are probably experiencing a lot of comparisons between you and him. If this is happening, it’s time to start some very important conversations about your relationship with her. Is it worth it to continue down this path? Does she really like him more than she likes you? Or, are there certain elements that she just really liked about him that you can’t fulfill. If so, this isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, but you should discuss how you’re the person you’re happy with and if she isn’t happy with you, perhaps the relationship isn’t what the two of you thought.
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