Marriage is an important phase of every person’s life. We all have this one person that we wish to see beside us for the rest of our lives, cuddle them late at night in bed, have kids with them, raise them together until they get kids of their own and then die as happy grandpas and grandmas. That’s a delightful story, a Cinderella kind of life.
Sadly, that is not always the case.
At some point through the relationship or marriage, Mr. Right may turn into “Mr. Worst Mistake Ever”, and the most beautiful woman in the world (according to you) may become the ugliest person you have ever set your eyes on. At this point, if both of you are not married, you can easily call it quits without calling the whole clan or at least an attorney. But that is never the case for the married. A divorce at this point is inevitable and emotionally tasking.
Divorce is a grave issue and many lawyers who represent the warring couples in the court rooms can attest of how physically, mentally and emotionally straining the process can be.
Moreover, divorce cases are often clouded with nasty revelations and reasons of why the couple wants to call it quits, some which some divorce lawyers would rather keep within the courtrooms. But that doesn’t mean we lack some “Trevor-Noah couples”; couples whose reasons for divorce would leave you in stitches, rather than tears. Never heard of them? Well, here are some that will leave you laughing hard on the floor.
15. You Can’t Divorce the Dead
Back in 2007, a frustrated Karen filed for divorce against Joe, her husband of 26 years. Not wanting the humiliation that comes with being the divorced, Joe raised a motion that his wife had no legal right whatsoever to divorce him for they had already separated when Joe “died” a few years back.
Is that crazy? Not until you read this.
Apparently, Joe’s heart stopped not once, but thrice back in 2004 and 2005. According to Joe, his vows read that only death would do him part with his wife, an event that “actually occurred” when his heart temporarily stopped for the first time in 2004.
So how did the judge take this?
14. Cheating on each other with each other
You got to admit that the internet provides a field day for the single who want to mingle with anyone and everyone. There are numerous dating sites where a lad can log in with a click and log out with a chic. But for a couple in Jordan, they logged in arguing, and logged out divorced. Why? They were cheating on each other with each other.
Wait…how does the story go?
Well after going through trying times in their marriage and finally deciding to try to get comfort outside, in secrecy, Bakr and Sanaa Melhem both decided to join a dating site, under aliases, to try and find their true love. Bakr, going by the alias Adnan, met Jamilia, a lass who he immediately fell head over heels for.
Turns out Jamilia, just like Bakr, was in an unstable marriage and was contemplating calling it quits. This situational coincidence, provided the right catalyst for this new fling and their conversations started heating up quickly. Soon, the two wanted to meet.
Well what happened on the material day? They both ended up in court. Why?
13. Divorced in sleep
Sleep talking is natural to some people but I bet none of you has ever contemplated how serious it can be. Well, a man in West Bengal had to contemplate losing his wife after he divorced her in his sleep. (Disclaimer: this had nothing to do with him snoring, or at the very least him insulting her in his sleep talk.)
What happened is that the man uttered the word “Talaq” three times in his sleep talk which according to Islamic law, rendered him wifeless. Being a Muslim and above all living in a country governed by Islamic laws, the guy had to confess to the local clerics his subconscious utterances which though funny, were not taken jokingly. He was immediately ordered to let go of his wife.
12. Blame the parrot
Walls have ears, but parrots have a brain to store what they hear and a big beak to shoot it back. This is what led to the divorce case of an unnamed Chinese woman and her hubby.
The woman reported getting suspicious after coming back home from a week-long trip up country, and noticing that their parrot had a new array of vocabularies.
Specifically, the parrot continuously uttered the words “divorce”, “be patient” and a few other words that would rate this article an NSFW 18+. Since birds have a tendency of being honest, the woman immediately took it to court filing for divorce on grounds of suspected cheating from her hubby. Sadly though, Chinese courts don’t allow prosecutors and defense lawyers to chit chat with birds, thus the case was dismissed.
11. I want my kidney back
If you love someone, you would do anything for them and by anything, I mean donate them a kidney. That is what Richard Batista did for the love of his life Dawnell, who was on her death bed after transplants from her brother and father failed to save her from the hell of failing kidneys.
As though it was destiny, only her hubby’s transplants worked and luckily for them, their marriage got back on course (well at least for then). A few years later, the two hit the rocks and were battling a divorce case in court.
What’s interesting however, is that Richard was never fighting for custody of their children or ownership of property they had. What he wanted was his kidney back. The judge however denied his request as preposterous after which, Richard came back with a claim of $1.5 million, which is enough to get him a kidney from the black market. Should he ask for his rib? Well I don’t know. But probably he will.
10. My child doesn’t look like you
Men are attracted to big things (nothing material here), the more reason why ladies are going for procedures to have the big things. The problem is, when you change your bodily features, you never change that of your unborn child.
This is what led to the divorce of Jian Feng from his gorgeous wife after she conceived what looks nowhere close to her (well the current her to be precise). It turns out that Feng’s wife underwent a $100,000 procedure back in the years that altered her facial features, before she met Feng. When she conceived her first child, Feng immediately suspected her of adultery as the child looked nowhere close to him or her. In his own words, the child was “utterly ugly”.
9. Poked out of marriage
Andrei Kaprov is the typical poker player. He takes risks and is never afraid of making huge bets, his wife being one of them.
On one occasion, Andrei was playing poker with his friend, Sergey, and after running out of things to bet, he put his own wife on the line. Luck was again not on Andrei’s side this round as he lost the game, and as loyalty demands, he had to give up his own wife.
So later, as Sergey came over to pick his newly won wife, Andrei’s wife got furious because she was bet in a poker game, which her husband went ahead to lose. Funny enough, the court granted her the divorce, after which the same lass went ahead and married Sergey, after courting for a while (weird).
8. Replaced by stray dogs
Romania is infamous for its enormous number of stray dogs which roam around the city. Since man is naturally aligned to love these canines, one man’s love went too far to grant him a divorce from his wife of 50 years.
Eliza filed for a divorce after getting sick of the numerous number of stray dogs her husband used to feed. Her claim was the husband was spending not only too much time but also all their pension money on feeding stray dogs.
7. I love you, but I love my cats more
Away from dog issues, another couple was faced with a not so different issue that led to their ultimate divorce; cats. A man in Israel called it quits with his wife after she adopted 550 cats (I know, that’s a lot!).
The man claimed that his wife started off with a few kittens in 2002, a move which was received with no resistance at all. As time went by however, the number of cats grew tremendously, so fast that almost all the space within the house was either occupied by a cat, cat poop or cat food.
Trouble finally changed into a divorce case when the man realized all his hard-earned cash was buying cat food instead of human food. To make it worse, he had a confrontation with his wife over the cats, which did not go well according to him. He said that even after talking to his wife about their “kitty issues”, he still found some cats stealing food from the dining table the next day. With no other choice, the divorce cat was let out of the bag.
6. Forgot to change my Facebook status
We all agree that Facebook serves both good and bad in relationships. Statistics from divorce lawyers actually show that one out of every five divorce case is triggered by Facebook. One such case was of a 2-month-old couple, where the wife wanted to divorce her 31-year-old businessman hubby for not changing his Facebook status to “married”.
Was she scared that this was a trick by the man to attract a few more lasses? Probably. In his defense, the man argued that he was so caught up with work that he didn’t have time to change his Facebook relationship status. The judge, having heard enough of this comedy, ordered them to head over to a relationship counsellor for a few tags on relationship advice.
5. Her nickname kicked me out
If your spouse has a nickname, it would most probably fall in the bracket of sugar, honey, cutie pie and baby. One man however, went too far with the nicknames and found himself battling a divorce case in court.
After 17 years of marriage, a Saudi Woman decided to go through her husband’s contact list after she got access to his phone. What she found was not her mysterious co-wife’s number but rather her own number saved as “Guantanamo”.
The wife was immediately infuriated by her husband’s sick sense of humor and filed for a divorce. In his defense, the man said referring to his wife as a prison was all in jest. However, instead of laughing to dinner with his wife, he laughed to divorce with her.
4. Born a virgin, die a virgin
Marriage comes with rights, one of them being the most important and highly anticipated conjugal rights. However, for one man, Mr. Chen, his wife knew nothing about these rights.
Mr. Chen’s wife, Lin, was “too scared” and “unwilling” to perform the deed one year into their marriage. The two teachers had been hooked up by a matchmaker after which they got married after three months of courtship. On the wedding night, Mr. Chen tried invoking his conjugal rights, a move which was received by high resistance and insults from his newly wedded wife. Matter of fact, Chen reported that his wife slept wrapped with a quilt while fully dressed that night.
Did he eventually convince her to sleep with him? Not really.
Lin ran back to her mother’s home after Chen attempted to sleep with her and agreed to come back only if they signed a contract that they will sleep together only for procreation purposes. Otherwise, she would be sleeping in a separate bed from Mr. Chen. Having had enough of this, Chen filed for a divorce.
3. He’s been cheating for 60 years
A German divorce court was left in stitches after Ruth, an 83-year-old German woman, filed for divorce against her 81-year-old husband Georg Meister, after she discovered he had been cheating on her with the same woman for 60 years.
Ruth reported that one day, her husband was caught having a quickie with a lady who was a few years younger than her. After being confronted, the husband agreed that indeed he was having an affair, and it had lasted for 60 years. What’s worse, the mistress had born three children for the guy.
2. He was using a p*nis extension
Men, if your libido is low, you either use the natural remedies to get it back up or use some little of Viagra to get some things going. For one man however, these options were not the best for him, thus he decided to get a penis extension.
Crazy idea? Yes it is; and it landed him a divorce.
Grigory Toporov, a Russian, was not a good match for his wife when it came to bedroom matters. In an effort to curb his inadequacies, he had a prosthetic penis fitted by doctors in Voronezh, a move which didn’t go well with his wife.
Why? She didn’t like the new tool?
Well, that’s not the exact case. The prosthetic penis apparently broke one night during a wild sex session. The surprised wife was greeted with a question from the hubby on whether he should have it replaced. She instead asked for a divorce.
1. I only wanted to see her face
Islamic laws are very strict on the conduct and dressing of women, to the point that some men never get to see what their wives look like without the hijab covering their face. This was the case of a Saudi man who had to divorce his wife of 30 years in 2008, after being caught trying to steal a peek of his wife’s face.
After living in curiosity about the face of the woman he married, the said man decided to lift his wife’s veil one night as she was asleep. Unluckily for the man, the lady was not totally asleep as she woke up immediately as she felt the husband lift her veil. What followed were demands for a divorce, with the husband desperately pleading for forgiveness.
Sadly though, the man was unveiled to singlehood after failing to unveil the wife’s face.
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