Sometimes, the opposite sex can seem like a totally different species. Women think that men never express their feelings and never open up, and men think that women are strange, mysterious creatures who do things they just can’t comprehend. So obviously, when it comes to romance and dating and all that, there can be a lot of crossed signals.
To further complicate things, people have different personalities – which means while one woman might feel comfortable being bold and telling you what’s on her mind, even if she’s letting you know that there’s just no spark and she’s not really into you, another woman who is a bit more shy may feel reluctant to come right out and be that brutally honest. So, you may often find yourself in a situation where you really like someone but you just can’t quite figure out whether they return the sentiment. Sure, you could just go ahead and flat out ask them – but that can be majorly intimidating. So even though you know the adult thing to do would be to just ask, you find yourself asking your friends for advice and analyzing text messages and trying to examine your relationship – something that’s basically impossible to do when you’re wearing those rose coloured infatuation goggles.
In the interest of sparing you a whole lot of heartache and hours spent wondering, here are 15 signs that she just isn’t that into you.
15. It’s always a group date
When you’re dating, it’s not always going to be just the two of you — sometimes, you’re meeting friends for a drink, going on a double date, or hitting a great concert as a group. And that’s totally fine. However, if you find that you can’t remember the last time the two of you were totally alone, and that she’s always trying to transform your romantic date ideas into a fun friend adventure, well…that’s a sign that she may not be that into you. Sure, if she’s a particularly shy person she may feel a bit nervous doing things solo, but after a while, an insistence on group dates like this is a huge red flag that she’s just trying to avoid spending too much time alone with you. And if she actually invites along a friend who she says would be perfect for you? Well, you really need to take a hint.
14. She talks about other guys — a lot
I mean, you would think this one would be obvious, but you’d be surprised how much guys are willing to overlook if they’re smitten. The point is, if you’re constantly hearing about other guys in her life, that’s probably not a good sign. Sure, there are some schools of thought that suggest provoking a little bit of jealousy can be a good thing, but that’s a bit manipulative and not something you want in your life. Chances are, if she’s dropping hints about other guys, she’s either trying to politely let you know that she’s not interested, or she totally sees you as a friend to the point where she doesn’t think twice about spilling her latest date stories with you. The point is, if you know all about the other men in her life, chances are you’re not going to get another date.
13. She doesn’t get dressed up for you
Every girl is different. Some women love to get all dolled up every day and wear ultra feminine clothing and never have a hair out of place, while others rock a more casual look with minimal make-up and a simply ponytail. However, at the end of the day, most women make a little bit of an effort when they’re going on a date with a guy they’re totally into. This could mean going the whole nine yards with a bodycon dress and Victoria’s Secret Angel waves, or simply incorporating a bit of tinted gloss and a more form-fitting pair of jeans into her everyday look. The point is, if you realize the girl you’re crushing on is always showing up to meet you looking like she just rolled out of bed, chances are it’s because she’s put you in the friend zone and doesn’t really care about impressing you.
12. She’s uncomfortable accepting gifts from you
Many people make jokes about gold-digging women, and women who use their looks to get everything from free drinks to free entry into a club, but let’s be honest – women are not monsters. The average woman feels badly about accepting gifts from someone she’s not interested in if she can sense that they feel differently; it’s kind of like lying to someone, giving them false hope. Two friends alternating rounds or switching up who pays for dinner is one thing, but having someone shower you with gifts or pay for everything when you’re out together is another story. If you find that she always turns down your gifts and tries to pay for herself, it could be a sign that she’s not into you and really doesn’t want you getting the wrong idea. Sure, even if you like someone, you might turn down a gift if you feel it’s too early in the relationship for something like that, but if she’s hesitant to accept even an ice cream cone? It doesn’t bode well.
11. She doesn’t make time for you
I know, I know – people are busy, right? Well, that’s just the thing – everyone is busy, everyone has a full schedule, and so everyone finds a way to spend their time that incorporates their priorities. For some people, that could mean carving out a date night every Friday night, or spending Saturday mornings gossiping over coffee with their BFF. You make time for the things that matter to you. So, if you find that the woman you’re interested in seems to be too busy to hang out with you whenever you ask, but you see on social media that she’s out with her friends or working on hobbies and things like that, well – it might be that she’s just not that into you. Plus, let’s be honest – you want to be with someone who actually makes an effort and wants to spend time with you, not someone who treats you like you’re their last option.
10. She takes a long, long time to text you back
Let’s be honest – in this day and age, it’s incredibly rare to be away from your phone for extended periods of time. Sure, it’s reasonable to expect that it might take twenty or thirty minutes to get a response if the person is working or busy, but if you haven’t heard back from her in twelve hours? That’s a pretty clear sign. This is kind of in line with the whole prioritizing thing – if you’re aware that the person you like is pretty much constantly on her phone, and she’s not texting you back, it’s probably because she doesn’t want to text you back. It sounds harsh, but it’s true – if she was dying to hear from you and to keep the conversation going, you’d better believe she’d be texting back ASAP.
9. She says she isn’t ready for a relationship
I mean, come on – please don’t tell us that you’re going to fall for what is essentially another version of ‘it’s not me it’s you.’ That one’s the oldest line in the book! Unless you’re kind of a jerk, you’re not going to break up with someone by telling them that you just don’t want them in your life anymore and that you want to look for someone better. So, you try to be nice and say that you’re dumping them because, well, you’re just not ready for a relationship at the moment. Let’s be serious – it’s very rare for someone to take a little time for themselves and then suddenly realize that they’re ready to be in a healthy, loving relationship with the person they dumped. No. If she says this, she’s going to dump you, and it’s going to be for good.
8. You’re the only one who plans dates
A healthy relationship is about balance – there are times when both partners have to sacrifice a little bit for the benefit of the other, even if it’s something as simple as agreeing to go to your partner’s favourite restaurant for dinner, even though you don’t love it. However, when things are unequal, that’s when issues start. Relationships just aren’t a one way road, so if you find that you’re making a ton of effort trying to come up with fun, imaginative dates, and your partner absolutely never does the same? That’s a huge sign that she’s just not that into you. If she was, she’d want to make you happy the same way you want to make her happy, which means she’d try planning a few dates that you would enjoy, and try to surprise you, rather than just sitting back while you do all the work.
7. You haven’t met any of her friends or family
Okay, there are definitely exceptions to this rule – if the woman you’re crushing on has been outspoken about how she really doesn’t have a great relationship with her family, and all her friends are hundreds or thousands of miles away, that’s an entirely different issue. However, if your girl goes out for dinner with her parents at least once a week, and is constantly connecting with her two BFFs via Instagram and Snapchat, well, that’s a problem. No one is saying she needs to bring you to meet the parents after the second date, but if you’ve been going out for a reasonable amount of time and she still hasn’t introduced you to anyone in her life, that’s a pretty clear sign that she doesn’t really see you as being an important part of her life. If you were, she’d be itching to introduce you to the people she loves most.
6. She flakes on your plans
Everyone has busy schedules, and sometimes, things legitimately come up that you didn’t anticipate. Perhaps the girl you’re crushing on got a case of the stomach flu, or perhaps she had some plans with a friend that she totally forgot about but doesn’t want to cancel. Things happen. However, if you find that she’s constantly cancelling with lame excuses, that’s a big sign that she isn’t that into you. It means that she’s willing to halfheartedly agree to grab a drink with you on Saturday when she has nothing else going on, but if she gets wind of a better plan, that’s the one she’ll be doing. It’s easy to feel down on yourself in that situation and like you’re not interesting enough to spend time with, but the fact is, you just have to find someone who’s into you and wants to pick you first when it comes to weekend plans.
5. She makes sure everyone knows you’re her friend
Ah, the friend zone – an area many guys are far too familiar with. A lot of the time, the friend zone is where men who aren’t confident enough to share their feels end up because, well, the woman has absolutely no idea they feel differently and want more than a friendship because they haven’t ever said anything. However, if you’ve been pretty clear about the fact that you’re into her and she constantly keeps referring to your friendship, and introduces you to everyone as her good friend, etc., she’s trying to send you a message, loud and clear – she’s not that into you. It’s tough to come right out and tell someone you care about that you don’t feel the same way, so a lot of the time it’s easier to just emphasize how she sees your relationship – as something platonic, not romantic.
4. She avoids physical contact
Everyone has seen couples that are newly in love who seemingly can’t keep their hands off one another. Even if you’re not the biggest fan of PDA, it can be hard to resist sneaking a little kiss or touching your partner’s arm while you’re talking when you’re in those early stages of love. Now, if the girl you’re crushing on has been outspoken about absolutely hating PDA, it’s not unreasonable that she doesn’t want to full on make out when you’re out getting coffee. However, if you find that she seems to avoid physical contact pretty much all the time, that might be a sign that she’s not that into you and really just not attracted to you. Sure, initially, it could just be that she’s a bit shy and not yet comfortable taking things to the physical level, but after a while, you have to ask yourself if she’s just not interested in you that way.
3. Her body language seems off
Okay, most men haven’t pored over magazine articles about what their crush’s body language is communicating, but even they know the fact that a lot of the communication that takes place on a daily basis isn’t verbal. Your crush may be saying all the right things and being polite and friendly, but if she’s crossing her arms and not making eye contact and leaning her body away from you and all those types of signs, it’s a safe bet that she might just not be that into you. Different people have different personalities, and some may be more open and friendly than others, but in general you can see someone’s body language and tell if they’re receptive to having you in their lives. If your crush is interested in you, chances are she’ll have a few body language cues, like leaning forward or making eye contact, etc.
2. She only calls you at night/when she’s drunk
A girl who is pretty much MIA throughout the day, but resurfaces in the evening or when she’s had a few too many glasses of wine may sound like many guys’ dream – that is, unless she’s someone you actually like. If you’re just looking for a casual fling, this might be the perfect girl for you, but if a girl you’re really crushing on and can see a future is does this to you, it’s a pretty clear signal that she isn’t into you. If she’s basically treating you as a booty call, or only getting in touch with you when all her other plans have either wrapped up or fallen through, it’s sending the message that she doesn’t see your relationship as a strong one with future potential. She just sees you as a way to spend a little time and enjoy herself. If that’s all you want, that’s fine – but if you want more, you’d better be aware of the fact that she might not be as into you as you thought.
1. She doesn’t remember anything about you
Look, everyone forgets things from time to time. If the girl you’re crushing on forgets that you once mentioned in passing that you don’t care for tomatoes, that’s one thing. However, if you find that she’s constantly offering you bites of her dish that contains an ingredient you’ve shared that you’re deathly allergic to many times, or that she plans dates doing activities you’ve mentioned you absolutely can’t stand, that’s another story. If you truly like someone, you try to remember the things they’ve said, and you put together a little mental file of their likes and dislikes and the things they tell you. So, if you find that your crush forgets just about everything you tell her, it could be a sign that your words just aren’t registering because she isn’t that into you.
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