If you are reading this, you are probably getting married soon or at the very least are in a serious, committed relationship with someone. Congratulations! Celebrating a lifelong union to the love of your life is an important and exciting day. For those who choose to take this step, it should be one of the happiest days of your entire life! However, before you say “I do,” you need to be sure that you are marrying the right person. While everyone has their flaws and no one is perfect, the period of your engagement is a key time to look out for red flags. Even if your relationship seems perfect, forever is a long time to be trapped in something that is not right for you. While it is perfectly normal to get “cold feet” with all the stress of wedding planning and the thought of being together forever, those nerves could be telling you something. And if your friends and family are warning you against marrying your fiance, take their opinions to heart! While no one wants to break up with a long term lover, especially after months of flaunting cute bride stuff and couples photos on social media; you could be doing both yourself and your partner a huge favor. Figuring out your man is not the one for you before you sign your marriage license can help avoid years of fighting, resentment, and unhappiness. Keep reading for 15 signs you should definitely dump your groom to be at the altar.
15. He’s Checking Out Your Bridesmaids . . .
During the wedding planning process, you will be spending lots of time with your bridesmaids pouring over magazines, creating Pinterest boards, and crafting long into the night. If they are hanging out with you, chances are your groom is somewhere nearby. It is great if your partner gets along well with your friends, but keep an eye out for behavior that is a little too friendly. Some people just have flirtatious personalities and are more outgoing than others, so a flirty fiance does not mean he will necessarily cheat on you. But if he and his wandering eyes spend more time with your maids (or a random chick at the club) than with you, beware! Be especially cautious if there is a female friend he always wants to hang out with, specifically without you there. And if he is in constant touch with an ex? You will want to triple-check his loyalty before putting a ring on it.
14. Or His Groomsmen
Let’s get one thing clear: being gay is 100 percent fine! If that is who you are, there is nothing you can do about it. But if you are a female bride with a male groom and he is making bedroom eyes at one of his bros, there could be a big problem there. Maybe he does not realize his sexuality or maybe he does and is just afraid to come out of the closet. This situation could end one of two ways. You could stay married forever with your groom never feeling truly like himself and never being actually physically attracted to you. Alternately, you are married for awhile before he either comes out himself or is outed by someone else (possibly you), which would majorly shake up your life. Do yourself and your future husband a favor, and break it off before things get awkward and feelings get hurt.
13. He’s Rude To Your Parents
Having a good relationship with your parents is something to treasure, especially if they are getting up there in age or you did not get along when you were a teen. They are probably some of the most important, supportive, and loving people in your life! So if your hubby to be treats them poorly, that is a major strike against him. Is he rude and ungrateful? He will probably act spoiled and entitled during your marriage. Does he try to isolate you from them? That is a form of mental abuse that may lead to even more controlling behavior in the future. Is he disrespectful and argumentative? Expect a similar personality to come out when you have arguments. Even if you think he is the love of your life, partners can come and go but you only get one set of parents; so think twice before marrying someone who does not value your loved ones.
12. He’s Secretive About The Bachelor Party
Not telling each other about the details of your bachelor and bachelorette parties is perfectly normal. He does not need to know you did body shots and you probably do not want to hear about every debauched thing he did, either. Some things are better left unsaid! But if he totally balks when you ask him about the night, he might be hiding something. Can’t even get the name of the club or bar out of him? Either something went down that he knows you would definitely not approve of, or he just does not like you enough to be intimate and open with personal details. If he is willing to keep secrets from you about an event you knew was happening, what other skeletons are in his closet? Secrets, lies, and manipulation have no place in a healthy marriage. So ditch your man if he is not willing to be open with you.
11. He’s Already Drunk
Drug and alcohol problems are no joke! If your partner is drunk or high most of the time (including the morning of your big day), you might want to reconsider marrying him. Addictions are difficult to deal with for both the sick person and their loved ones, so your marriage would likely be a rocky road. On the other hand, if he does not have an addiction but simply parties too hard or often, that could be an even worse sign; especially if this behavior started around the time of your engagement. He may be self-medicating against engagement regret. There is a clear difference between being in a celebratory mood around your wedding and drinking away the pain. It is hard to do but try to talk to your man about his habits. If you can’t handle the idea of either living with a recovering addict or him not loving you as much as he once did, break it off.
10. He Didn’t Support Your Wedding Planning Decisions
You’ve probably had wedding ideas since you were a kid and put together vision boards the day you got engaged. So trying to make everyone happy when planning your wedding can make you want to pull your hair out. Pleasing your family, your partner’s family, your wedding party, all of your friends, and yourselves might seem impossible. If your future hubby put up a fight about every little detail of your big day, something may be wrong. Micromanaging wedding plans is often a way for brides who are unsure about their marriage to get lost in something so they do not have to address the bigger underlying issues. The same could go for grooms. Your fiance also might be purposely trying to pick fights with you so you get frustrated and give up on the wedding altogether. Many men don’t care about the minutia of their weddings, so this behavior is a red flag for not wanting to get married.
9. You Got Engaged Fast
When you know, you know. That is why there is no set rule for how long you have to be dating before you get married. When you feel it is right in your hearts, just do it! But if you said “yes” after a short dating phase, take a step back before walking down the aisle. How well do really know your fiance? Have you traveled together, spent the night at each others’ homes, and hung out in the daytime? Have you met each others’ families and friends? Do you know details of each others’ pasts and goals for the future? If you have not spent much time together and cannot tell your loved ones much about details of his life, this might not be the right husband for you; or at least not yet. Moving super fast in a relationship can be a warning sign of controlling behavior and even abuse, so be cautious before marrying a man who is overly eager.
8. Your Friends Don’t Like Him
True, honest friends are like mirrors. They can reflect aspects of yourself back to you that you otherwise cannot see, and reveal truths whether you like them or not. You would trust your BFFs to tell you if you look bad in a dress, so why would you scoff at their opinions of your husband to be? Friends can often act bitchy toward a new partner because they want you to be with someone who truly deserves someone as good as you. Plus they might feel like you are being stolen from them since you now have to split your time between friends and your bae. But if they come to you with real concerns (like that he is rude, lazy, or has a past), listen. They have your best interest at heart and might see a side of him that he hides around you or that you are too blinded by love to notice.
7. He Refuses To Contribute Financially
Does your fiance refuse to pay for any of the wedding expenses? Take that as a big old red flag! He could be super old-fashioned and believe that the bride’s family should pay for the wedding. If so, you might be in for some majorly annoying gender stereotypes and expectations from him. He could also be withholding money as a way to subtly put off the wedding without you realizing it. A man who was excited to marry you would pitch in financially, even if he did hold old-timey beliefs. If the reason he isn’t paying up is because he can’t hold a job, that is just as bad. The idea of having to fully support the two of you by yourself, especially after paying for a wedding, is enough to make any bride to be burst into tears. Find a partner who is willing to put in the work instead!
6. You Fight A Lot
This one seems pretty obvious. Some couples do use arguing as a way to communicate their opposing beliefs, but this hardly ever results in a healthy, long-lasting marriage. If you and your husband to be are constantly bickering, spending forever together might not be the best idea. Think about why you are always fighting. Does one of you have an aggressive, confrontational personality? Or is there just something about him that gets under your skin? Do you truly disagree every time you fight? Or are you lashing out because of stress from work or some other external problem? Consider if couples therapy with your partner (or solo therapy to work out your individual issues) would actually fix anything, or if you two simply are not a good fit to be husband and wife. It is better to figure it out now, than a few years (and thousands of dollars) down the road.
5. You Hardly Spend Any Time With Him
With work, a social life, keeping a house, and now wedding planning, you might not see much of your fiance if you do not already live with him. You probably never even have time to binge watch Netflix on the couch, let alone get dressed up for a date. If he takes advantage of your crazy schedule and uses it as an excuse to ghost on you, give him the boot. Planning your big day should be something you enjoy doing together! When he jets off somewhere doing stuff without you all the time, he is sending a signal that he is happy to not have to hang out with you. He could just be craving independence, scared at the idea of never living the bachelor life again. But if he gets defensive when you bring up wanting to spend more time together, you are better off cancelling the wedding.
4. He Has Let Himself Go
Obviously if you love your partner unconditionally, especially enough to spend the rest of your life with him, it should not really matter if he puts on a few extra pounds or has a skin breakout here and there. Heck, you might be in the same boat with all of the extra stress planning a wedding causes. But if your hubby to be has recently started eating like crap, drinking heavily, and avoiding the gym like the plague, take it as a sign. Most people actively try to look their best for their wedding, so he might be trying to turn you off on purpose hoping for a breakup. He could also be feeling regret about the engagement, making him emotional enough to stop taking care of himself. People often go to bad places physically when they are in a bad place mentally. Either way he is unhappy about the upcoming wedding.
3. He Has Cheated Before
Whether it was on you or on a previous partner, think twice before marrying a known cheater! It probably is not fair to say “once a cheater, always a cheater,” especially if you really trust your groom and he seems to have changed. But do keep in mind that at one time he thought cheating was an alright thing to do, so it is possible that the thought could cross his mind again. If he could not even stay monogamous for the length of dating someone, how is he supposed to keep it in his pants for the rest of his life? A lack of faithfulness in a marriage can not only cause hurt feelings, but a lack of trust, a revenge affair, or divorce. Your future husband making a mistake once should not automatically make you cancel your wedding, but take it into consideration before you say “I do.”
2. He Puts His Family (Or Friends) Before You
When you are in a romantic relationship, you should expect to be the other person’s number 1. That is not to say that your partner should cut off all connection from their friends and family; but you should definitely be a top priority for their time, support, and attention. This counts for double when you are supposed to be spending the rest of your lives together in an equal and loving partnership. If you frequently disagree with your new in-laws, or your man’s buddies and he always takes their side, it is time to reconsider your relationship. Not having your back is isolating and can make you question his loyalty to you in all aspects of the marriage. Acting this way is proof that he either does not think that highly of you and your opinion, or he is too spineless to stand up for you; either way, not a good sign!
1. Your Gut Says “No”
Last but not least, the biggest red flag of all is just not feeling right about marrying this guy. It is normal to have cold feet before the big day (it is forever, after all!), but feelings of dread or even apathy are not. Take the time to check in with yourself mentally. If you get a sick feeling deep down in your gut at the thought of marrying your partner, chances are you should call it off. Maybe there is something about him you simply can’t overlook. Maybe you really miss the single life, or even your ex. Maybe he has always rubbed your loved ones the wrong way and you are finally starting to see why. Whether the problem lies with him or with you, it is better to realize you are not right for each other now and save yourselves a pricey, messy divorce down the road.
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