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15 Subtle Signs You’re Being Cheated On

15 Subtle Signs You’re Being Cheated On


It’s not uncommon to feel that sneaking suspicion that your partner may be cheating on you. You partner may seem distant, “different,” or even just a little bit secretive, and then your mind starts spinning. Are you being paranoid? Or is this really happening? You can spin yourself into a web of self-doubt, shame, and anxiety before you even realize if your partner is cheating or not. If you’re constantly worried that your partner might be cheating, it might be a sign that the trust is broken, communication is down, and the spark is gone.

If you’re one of those people who do often wonder if your partner is straying, you might be wondering if you’re off-base or justified. The truth is, it’s not fun to be paranoid and insecure in your relationship either way. A relationship with healthy trust, boundaries, and honest communication should not feel constantly threatened by infidelity. However, studies show that almost one-quarter of adults will cheat on their partner in a committed relationship. That means almost half of couples could be affected by a straying partner.

Unfortunately, those statistics don’t make it any easier to deal with if you are in fact the one being cheated on. While there is no sure sign that your partner is being unfaithful, these signs might help you take a deeper look at the state of your love life.

15. You’re Regularly Being Accused of Cheating


It all started off innocently enough: You were texting your friend late at night when your partner asks you what you’re doing on your phone so late. You numbly reply “nothing,” annoyed at the invasion of privacy, and your partner takes it as a sign that you’re being secretive. Before you know it, you’re being accused of cheating. Or maybe your partner is constantly suspicious of you flirting with people when you’re in public, or at work? Regardless of the scenario, being overly suspicious about cheating is a strong sign that your partner may be acting unfaithful, but projecting it on you.

14. Their Daily Hygiene Routine Changes


Maybe your partner has always gotten ready the same way for work every day, but suddenly, they’re wearing high heels instead of flats… or spritzing on cologne before a routine “work meeting” in the morning. Studies show that when men and women enter new relationships, they typically step up their grooming habits in one way or another. If your partner seems to have suddenly taken a new interest in manscaping or lipstick, it could be a sign that it’s to please someone new in their lives. Many people who have come out of affairs have noted that their partner spent more time getting ready in the morning, or showering at night, once the affair began.

13. They Have a New “Phone Voice”


We’re all guilty of doing it: We answer the phone in a sing-songy voice much different than the one we just used to talk to our coworker a minute ago. Many of us also have certain inflections and tones in our voice that we reserve specifically when talking to a loved one or partner on the phone. Think of how easy it is to tell if someone is talking to their partner, coworker, or friend, on the phone, just by how they’re speaking! When new affairs begin, you may notice that your partner no longer uses that lovey-dovey voice on the phone, so as not to upset their new lover. If your partner starts talking in a whisper or low voice, or not using your name, this can also be a sign that he or she is hiding you from their other half.

12. Your Relationship Began in an Affair


You may think this is a cliche, but studies do show that people who cheat often do cheat in multiple relationships. While it’s not fair to say that “once a cheater, always a cheater” applies to everyone, there is some evidence to link it to at least the majority of unfaithful partners. If you met your partner while they were dating, or even married to someone else, it is likely that you felt like you were “the answer” to your partner’s problems. He or she had simply been in an unhealthy relationship, but now yours would be completely different. While this is true for a fraction of couples, it is more common that your partner may get a rush from being unfaithful that will not go away once you are together.

11. Their Spending Habits Change


If you’ve noticed your joint savings account, or just your partner’s spare cash, getting lower and lower… it could be a sign that he or she is cheating. After all, cheating can be expensive! Secret dates, sending gifts, and booking hotel rooms are not cheap thrills. If your partner has to travel to cheat, that can be even more expensive. On the other hand, if your partner seems more resistant to spending money on you or doing the activities (like going out to eat or going to the movies) that you used to enjoy, he or she may be saving up for someone else, or to eventually leave you.

10. They’re Irritable


Maybe you know the feeling: One day, you’re doing the same goofy thing you’ve always done when your partner gets home from work, but this time, he or she snaps at you that you’re being ridiculous. Then you notice that your partner isn’t just being short with you, but short with seemingly everyone he or she encounters. They’re upset at their boss, their mom, the cashier at the grocery store… the list goes on. This irritability can be a sign of cheating for a number of reasons. The truth is, maintaining an affair can take a great deal of time, effort, money, and energy. Your partner may be experiencing a lot of stress, shame, anxiety, and confusion surrounding maintaining the affair while going about his or her daily routine – hence the irritability!

9. They’re Critical of You


Do you feel like you’re suddenly being observed through a microscope? Your shoes being left out, the dishes in the sink, your messy hair… all of a sudden, these everyday things become points of contention with your partner. He or she may start suggesting that you dress differently, lose weight, make more money, or do more around the house. This is often a symptom of a last-ditch effort to make a relationship work (unsuccessfully). If your partner has become hypercritical of your every move, it may be because he or she is having an affair and making one last effort to see if it could ever work out in the long-run between the two of you.

8. They Change Their Passwords


It can seem benign: You go onto your partner’s phone to look at a photo he took of the two of you and you realize the passcode isn’t the same as it was a week ago. When you ask, your partner says a colleague at work learned the password so he or she changed it to keep it private from coworkers. Or maybe they say they like to change it every month “for security.” However, changing passwords on cell phones, laptops, iPads, and email access can become a routine part of maintaining an affair. Not only are the passwords changing to keep you out, they’re changing to keep everyone out. People maintaining affairs often put a lot of effort into maintaining their privacy, going above and beyond what most people do daily.

7. They Shut Down Your Suspicions… Hard


Maybe even before reading this article, you had some suspicions your other half might be straying. You’re concerned, but you don’t want to be paranoid, so you ask your partner about it: ‘Are you cheating on me?’ Despite having the best intention, it quickly becomes a full-blown fight, with your partner adamantly denying the claims and even becoming angry with you for asking such a question. This anger is a sign that you may have hit a nerve – and found out something true. Not only are they angry that you are accusing them of something bad (even if they’re doing it), but they’re angry because you’ve figured out the lies they’ve put so much effort into making you believe.

6. They Love Twitter

Via twitter

Confused yet? It turns out that modern research found a positive correlation between active time on Twitter and infidelity. While the root cause is not completely known, it is thought that increasing Twitter usage can lead to Twitter-related feuding between you and your partner… Which can lead to break up and infidelity. Additionally, excessive phone usage and social media activity can be a sign of your partner distancing him or herself from you and looking to begin a new life or continue hiding things from you. If your partner used to rant about social media and has recently become infatuated with being on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, you may want to check in about the change in this behavior.

5. Your Love Life is DOA


Let’s get this straight: No two couples have the same sex life. Look, it’s normal to have ebbs and flows in your sex life. Every couple goes through “dry spells” and then finds themselves having sex more and more. The cycle is normal. However, if your sex life isn’t really cycling, but instead has fizzled out… it may be a sign that your partner is being sexually fulfilled elsewhere. Human adults are conditioned to find sex pleasurable and stress-relieving. If you and your partner are no longer getting that with one another, it may be time to move on… if one of you hasn’t already.

4. Your Sex is Better!


Confused yet? We were, too. That is until we read that participants in a survey revealed that one of the symptoms of a cheating spouse can be new moves in the bedroom. As scary as it may sound, your partner’s cheating can result in him or her learning some new skills, positions, or spontaneity that wouldn’t otherwise be discovered. If your partner seems to have a suddenly discovered fetish or sexual personality you haven’t seen before, it’s okay to enjoy it, but may we say: Proceed with caution? As always, if you think this might be happening in your relationship, the best course of action is to open the lines of communication with your partner before it gets worse than it has to and all the trust is lost.

3. They’re Telling You the Same Stories Over and Over Again


Picture this: You’re out to dinner, enjoying a nice date with your partner, and they say “So yesterday at work, Meghan said she wanted to be a lawyer, and…” And you’re smiling, trying not to act annoyed that you already know this about Meghan, because you heard this story yesterday! When your partner is dating you, and someone else, he or she has to try to remember which stories get told to which person and… it can be confusing! If your partner is saying things like “Wait, did I tell you this?” Or, even worse: “Wait, are you the one who told me this?” frequently, it could be a sign that you’re not the only one experiencing his or her sudden onset amnesia.

2. They Start Paying Attention to Your Schedule


Maybe you’ve struggled for months, or even years, to get your partner to pay attention to your schedule. You used to get annoyed every week when they would act shocked you were going to your Thursday night gym class. Recently, however, that’s all changed. Now, your partner seems to always remember when you’re supposed to be going somewhere, and more importantly, when you’re arriving home. He or she might double-check your schedule on a weekly, or even daily basis. This allows him or her to plan their extracurricular activities according to your schedule, so you’ll notice their absence less and less.

1. Your Intuition is Tingling


This may be the most important thing you read on this list: trust your gut! More than any of these other possible symptoms of cheating, you know what feels right to you. If you think your partner might be cheating, and have thought about why and when you feel that way, it is always important to trust your own instincts. When and if this happens to you, make sure to talk to your partner at a time when you’re not feeling angry, not in public, and you’re ready to explain why you’re confronting him or her. Like we said earlier, it’s normal for your partner to get very angry when confronted about cheating, so prepare to have to put a pin in it and revisit it once he or she has cooled down.

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