Every guy wants to believe he has the dating and flirting game down to a science, and doesn’t need any advice in gaining the girl he’s been eyeing. No lie could be greater! As long as you’re living on this planet, you can learn something from situations or someone. So now you will learn the 15 deadliest mistakes that many guys like you have made, or currently make that will explain why that girl you’d been eyeing, stepped right on past you and to another guy. Moderation and balance of your personality and some of your communication styles are needed, in order to stop getting rejections. Admit it, you’ve been rejected once or twice. Everyone has been, but so long as you make sure to start getting more invitations and less rejections, then you’re still in the game. The following fifteen bad deeds will be discussed, so you’ll be able to spot them in yourself and correct them.
15. Being Chauvinistic
Let’s state this universal truth: “It’s 2017 (soon to be 2018), so all women are independent and feminist.” True? Kinda. With so many movements and new ideologies in these new times, many women are a bit more self-empowered and self-driven. Now more than ever, women are willing and wanting to hold off motherhood or wifehood, in order to achieve their career dreams, patiently find the man of her dreams, or to find out what exactly her dreams are. If she fails in the first category specifically as the power femme and business woman, then she can go both ways. Some might be used to and prefer to make their own moves, while the other half might find your take-charge direction a huge breath of relief. However, a lot of women do not and are not at all flattered if you pull out her chair. She might give a side-eye as if to say (if she doesn’t surprisingly say it point blank aloud), ‘I know women are typically less physically strong as men, but you really think I can’t move a 3-pound chair?” So maybe the instance that nerves her won’t be something as simple as that. But, truly try to find out if the woman you’re about to date is traditional or ‘New Age.’
Even if it might not seem like you based on today’s music and social media movements, many women are still traditional (a.k.a. archaic or a.k.a. high-maintenance), at least on some things, and they value some of that old school type of dating, which means…
14. NOT Being Chauvinistic
Let’s repeat that non-universal truth: “It’s 2017 (soon to be 2018), so all women are independent and feminist.” True? False. Some women like for their guy to greet them at the door on the first date with flowers at hand, escort them to the car, open the door of that car, open that car door again once arriving at the date location, opening the door to the date destination, and finally pulling out the chair once inside. That’s a lot of arm work, but it’s the work this type of woman expects. She also expects you to do it with pleasure and consistently, not just on the first two or three dates to impress her. So, if you decide to give the biggest insult ever when you actually thought you were giving the biggest respect to your assumed ‘21st century empowered’ female date by going dutch on the bill after dinner, and she proceeds to purposely insult you by verbally chopping your head off or storms out, know that your female date is more ‘19th century with a love of all that’s The Notebook and roses.’ Before going on the date, maybe spend time trying to peg what kind of woman she is, and if she’d like to be waited on hand and foot. or would rather do for herself. This can save you a date gone wrong or a date altogether if you discover that you’re not a chauvinistic kind of guy and want someone just as independent as you.
13. Being Too Funny
Let’s just put it out there, real and direct. The only cornballs people like are Cheez Balls and Cheetos. Yes, by all means, you definitely need to have a sense of humor and know how to make the woman you’re interested in laugh. However, with all things in life, there is a limit. With this situation specifically, the limit is very low. Don’t be so funny that you can never be serious, and go overkill with the comedy. There’s balance to this whole thing. There’s a thing with a joke, eventually we want to hear the punchline. We want the punchline. If you’re always telling the joke and never end it, people will grow annoyed and just take you for the clown that you are. More specifically, women will take you as a clown and not as a potential candidate for the boyfriend category. Yes, the truth hurts, but it has to be said. The sooner you accept the truth, the sooner you can change. Don’t lose your humor and great ability to make people laugh, but hone your great ability to be mysterious and about your business. Provide some intrigue and a commanding presence to round you out, or else you won’t be taken seriously.
12. Not Being Funny Enough…Or, At All
Maybe you’re trying to play the role of and master the art of being ‘quiet and mysterious.’ This is fine (and rather, very advantageous) in the very initial phase of luring the other in, but if you actually want to talk to the girl you’ve been eyeing, then you literally need to talk and vibe. That means you have to bust out just as much charm as you do your mystique. You have to smile a bit (it won’t hurt, I promise), laugh a bit, and make her laugh as well. Make her laugh a lot. Here’s a secret: women love guys who can make them have fun. However, do it in the perfect formula: 55% cool and mysterious 45% wise-cracking. If you tell the jokes too much, you might end up unintentionally insulting her (which is wise-cracking) or coming off as a cornball as mentioned above. Both of those outcomes are bad…very bad. Think of your delivery with this formula as a punch line-give them just enough to pique interest, and their attention with some accurate one-liners and spot-on humorous observations as you hang out in public, that leaves them wanting more. Use the jokes, but use them artfully and accurately. But, this case goes both ways. Not only do you have to make sure to get her to laugh. You have to make sure to let her get you to laugh too. Don’t be a poker-faced tough guy. Show you have a good sense of humor with not only having your comments and non-verbal expressions be comedic, but showing that you enjoy her comments and non-verbal expressions as comedic too. Give her ego a boost since it is a common (and inaccurate) belief that girls can’t truly be funny; especially if they’re pretty.
11. Being Too Nice
Now this is one of those universal truths. It’s true. No one likes ‘The Nice Guy’. Sure, women like a guy who is sweet and cares, but they also like a guy who is sometimes a butthole, so long as it’s in a playful way and not real-life. If you deliver even an ounce of the first and none of the second, then you’ll be friend-zoned. It’s an absolute guarantee. So, how can you avoid this scary fate? Tease her. Girls love that, even the ones who act like they don’t. Teasing keeps things fun and exciting. If she asks if she looks ridiculous in a new outfit she bought or a new hairstyle, tell her that she most definitely does then smirk. By doing this, you’re showing that yes, you are a jerk, but for a good reason. What is the reason? You’re being a jerk, so you can be her jerk. Your smirk shows your humor and helps to build buzzing energy, and the good kind of tension between you two. Now if you’re always smiling like buddies and saying, “Yes, bae. You look good in that top,” then you’re not her boyfriend (or at least, not for long). You are her friend or her fashion advisor. Yes, do show her some love and respect, but also keep things spicy with some fake insults here-and-there.
10. Not Being Nice Enough
Now, just as nice guys finish last, so do jerks. Yes, it was just stated that jerks make boyfriends, but those are the fake jerks. Here, we’re talking about the real jerks. The inconsiderate, too cool for school variety of guys, who think any inkling of a sign of being caring will kill their chances of getting the girl they want. So, what do they do? They don’t act nice at all. Instead, they push the jerk agenda and think it’s all games and a sign of their masculine confidence, but being a fake jerk has its limit as well. You can’t expect to always cut wise-cracks at your girlfriend followed by a smug grin, and think she’ll always be cool with it and smile back with a playful shove. Eventually, she’s going to give you a real shove, and a hard one at that, then storm out the door. That, my friend, won’t be another one of your ‘play fights,’ it will be a real one. So, before that incident happens, take heed to these words and make sure to actually give real, authentic compliments every once and a while, show her that you do care about her and your budding relationship. Trust that she’ll thank you for it.
9. Creating Instagram Memes of You Two All Too Soon
Yes, even guys can fall into the black hole known as ‘I’m in so much relationship bliss and found the woman of my dreams so let me tell the whole world about it.” By the whole world, we mean all of your followers on Instagram and Facebook. This particular case is made even worse if you and the girl you’ve been talking to, have been doing only just that-talking and nothing much else. So, why exactly are you making huge proclamations of love and a relationship, when they relationship might have literally just started yesterday or hasn’t officially started yet at all. That will freak the girl you’re speaking to out or turn her off or a combination of both. However, if she is just as much of a clingy, ‘I don’t feel complete without a relationship’ individual as you are (sorry to be the one to have to tell you that), then this rushed social media status can absolutely work, and you both can ride off into the virtual sunset while getting on everyone’s nerves with your two posts of you every hour kissing and cuddling up.
8. Having Too Much Confidence
No one wants to be with someone who is overconfident, just like a person doesn’t like being with someone who lacks it completely. Here comes that word again: Balance. Use it, it’s your friend. Yes, women love a man who is sure of himself, his values, and his dreams. But, are you promoting yourself, your values, and your dreams 24/7 with no off button? Major annoyance. The girl that you are with-or hope to get with-wants to be your girlfriend, not your promoter. If you hand her your phone to show her all of your recent career seminar photos on IG instead of handing her a compliment, roses, or a question or two about her own dreams, then you can bet she’s going to hand you a rejection. She might stick around for a moment if she feels that maybe you’re just boasting a little to win her attention, but if you continue with this same me-focused mentality well after the first date, she’s going to realize all that boasting is who you really are. If she’s a woman who possesses a sense of integrity, identity, and impatience for self-centeredness, then she’ll be gone sooner than you can say, “Hey, check out this promotion I got at work. I’m now Senior Manager at…” She doesn’t care, she’s gone.
7. Not Being Confident Enough
It’s hard being this guy. You’re on this list not because you’re a prick (a real-life one) or a chauvinist, but because you’re everything but that. At first a woman will typically find this guy cute or silent and mysterious, but once she starts to talk to him-or on the flipside, if she can’t even get two words out of him-she realizes the truth. The guy isn’t talking because he doesn’t know what to say, what to do, or what to be. This guy is low on confidence or lacks it completely. Sure, it’s good to be considerate of others and allow them to shine. There’s room enough for everyone at the top. However, if you’re the one who’s lifting up everyone else with your hands, and not even working on trying to get to the top yourself, because you don’t think you’re worthy or capable enough, then you have a problem on your hands. You suffer from a lack of worth and that has to stop right here, right now. Maybe your childhood was rough full of bullying, but those days are long gone. Now, you need to look to the present, and realize you’re messing it up by letting your past stick around. If you need, to talk to someone to get all those issues off your chest, or sign up for a Jujitsu class to do the same thing more physically, then by all means do it! You never know, your psychiatrist (if she’s not married) might end up being your girlfriend, and if that doesn’t happen (which it definitely won’t because she’s married), then at least now you have a six-pack and huge biceps to get a girlfriend.
6. Acting Too Alpha Male
This can be taken in two directions, or having the two directions merge into a single one, depending on the guy. One direction this could go is being a guy who’s always acting totally masculine in an over-the-top, excessive way. Let me rip my muscles at the gym and then post the same ‘post-workout flexing of my muscles in the fitness gym bathroom mirror’ picture on IG. Let me only talk about sports, comedy, and business and never about emotions, self-disclosure, or vulnerability. This is the mantra that is followed by this kind of man. Yes, by all means, please be a man, that’s what your girl of interest wants. But, also realize that showing that your emotions, a.k.a. a heart, doesn’t make you any less of a man. It actually makes you even more of one, a hu-man. Your girl will appreciate you having such heart-to-heart conversations, because vulnerability is necessary in a relationship to learn and grow with one another. The other direction this alpha male scenario could go is being that guy who places women in a subjugated position. The first alpha male scenario that was mentioned, shows a man trying to control his own masculinity. The second alpha male scenario shows a man trying to control others with his own masculinity. In today’s age, a lot of women are point blank not going to go for this. So, unless the girl you’re eyeing is more than happy to accept this notion, and is highly traditional. You might want to change up this trait.
5. Telling White Lies To Impress
So, you want to ‘wow’ the girl you’re talking to, huh? We get it and it makes sense. But, does everything you’re telling her make sense as well? Don’t be this guy, because this scenario brings the worst humiliation. At least with the other bad deeds that have been talked about, the guys’ true personalities showed (and if they were dishonest it wasn’t intentionally). Yet, this guy is the one who tells a series of intentional lies because they’re ‘small’ and ‘not that big of a deal’, and even more importantly, they’re all meant to do good in snagging the girl instead of to hurt. But, the truth is these white lies do hurt. They hurt your chances of having a relationship with the girl, or having a long and trusting one if you do enter into that phase without your lies catching up to you. So, what kind of lies are we talking about exactly? We’re talking about the ones where you boost up your level of self-sufficiency, or in technical words, material-social status. Like, “Yeah, I have my own car” and it was really your parents’ that they’ve finally paid the full note of and now have let you have it. Or “Yeah, I make $43,000…right out of college!”, when $1,000 of that $43,000 salary is actually a bonus. When a girl likes a guy, she’ll start doing some sleuthing to try to get to know you better, or if she’s naturally more skeptical or has been played in the past to now make her skeptical, she wants to make sure your talk is real. If she uncovers the truth about some of what you’ve been saying, then prepare for this girl to be gone.
4. Talking Selfies…With Filters and Lots of Them
Sorry, guys. But, this one should be a non-brainer. If you give the girl you’ve been talking to your Instagram handle, and she rolls up on your page and sees your page full of selfies she might cringe. Did you have the audacity to have taken the time to put filters on every single one!? We get it, you’re sexy. So naturally, you think tons of high-quality up-close shots of your chiseled face (and maybe some of the occasional 6-packs thrown in to switch it up from time-to-time) is sexy. However, it’s not. It’s actually sketchy, as if you’re so in love with yourself, that you might as well just date yourself. Your potential girl will say to herself as she gapes in astonishment: “Does he even really need a relationship?” The answer is ‘no’, because quite clearly you’re already in a pretty serious and monogamous relationship with you and your vanity. If you take more time and attendance to your IG artsy selfies than your possible girlfriend does on her own, what you have is a cyber case of the real-life metrosexual who spends more time in the bathroom getting ready than his girlfriend does. Nine times out of ten, you’re more than likely that real-life metrosexual as well. Do you want to be that guy? If you’re not ashamed one bit by your beautifying, then do your thing and do it without shame (as you obviously have been judging by your 200 selfies…out of 220 images total on your IG). At least you get one brownie point for being a good dresser. Your girlfriend (if you’re able to get one) will appreciate not having to be potentially embarrassed by you when she takes you to meet the parents, because you’ll be laced in the nines.
3. Refusing To Improve Your Game
Guys will work hard to improve themselves. They’ll train and practice day in and day out when it comes to the game of sports. But, when it comes to the game of dating and their individual game within it, they want to go stiff. Just like you have to stretch your muscles and possibly have a pre—workout before an actual workout, you need to stretch your dating skills and have a pre-workout with all kinds of aids before going out there on the scene. You can get your ‘workout’ on by hitting up advice sites, getting tips from self-appointed ‘alpha male dating gurus’ (yes, that is a thing), and more. There is no excuse not to learn how to better your game. However, many guys find every excuse in the book to avoid doing so. They feel they don’t need any help, that’s a loser move, and they can get any girl they won’t easily. If that’s the case, then why are these guys frequently not with a girl or if they are, why do those girls leave in a quicker span of time than it took him to nab her? The answer is simple, those guys haven’t worked on their communication style with dating. It’s an art and the more you do it, the better you get. So, stop being this guy. There’s no reason for it when Google exists. You have a question about why that girl you tried to step up to at the coffee spot, quickly stepped away from you when you ran her a pick-up line? Enter the question on any search engine and watch all the answers you’ve ever desired appear to you.
2. Having Crappy Communication Skills
Conversation is a two-way street; however, many guys think that theirs is the only one when out on first dates. Yes, this is the time to impress the girl, but stop and think about this: This girl said ‘yes’ to your date offer, so that means you’ve already impressed her. Now is the time to start building the deeper chemistry. This means that now you have to put focus on her, and engage her in stimulating mutual dialogue that makes her think and respond about her values, five-year goals, and basic interests. Even if that includes just reading in her PJs on Sundays. She already knows that she’s interested in you (Duh-She’s out in public with you). Now she wants to know that you are authentically interested in her; not just her physical qualities. This is everything you need to know so that you can stop taking control of the entire conversation on the date by talking about your car, your new job, your promotion, or your new tattoos that have so much meaning to you. If you like tattoos so much, really get the discussion going and ask her about her own tattoos if she has any, if she wants any new ones, and why she likes tattoos as well. Have a real conversation, it’s fun.
1. Trying to Buy Her Love…Or Just Attraction
Like the age-old saying, “Money can’t buy happiness”, the compliment saying to that is “Money also can’t buy relationships.” Yet, thousands of celebs do this on the regular by marrying wealthy people old enough to be their grandfathers. Yet, those arrangements are just that; arrangements for financial stability or financial assistance. They are not real relationships. If you’re really trying to get the girl of your dreams and keep her, you have to understand that just as she is not as a possession; she therefore cannot be bought with possessions either. No amount of roses, bracelets, and iPhone Xs can create a relationship. What it will create is you being X’ed out by that girl once she finds a new human bank to go to (if she’s that kind of materialistic woman), because that is essentially what you are when using this move. Real love is based on the heart, not worldly things. Once these guys understand that, they’ll be just fine. Yes, getting gifts from time-to-time is always great, especially the unexpected and random ones. But, if all you can bring are literally gifts to the table and not some vulnerability or communication, then you’re not really bringing much. Girls notice this truth, and then notice that it is time for them to move on.
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