Part of the many beautiful reasons why we love to love is romance. Sometimes, love is about that tingly feeling we get whenever we’re with someone special. It’s the inexplicable happiness and excitement we feel when we think about this person. And even though it’s not necessarily a good feeling by itself, having dozens of butterflies in our stomach when this special person does a sweet gesture for us is absolutely amazing. However, we don’t always get that classic butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling. Sometimes, instead of butterflies, we feel a strange, sinking feeling that makes us wince and want to run in the other direction as fast as we can, hide in a corner and curl up in a ball. This is especially true when we’re in a situation that’s supposed to be romantic according to the standards of another person, which sometimes turns out to be our date, or even our significant other. The reality is that just because our date or partner thinks what they’re doing is romantic doesn’t mean we think the same way, and so their efforts often go wasted. Case in point are these 15 things that men apparently find romantic but women surprisingly find cringe-worthy.

15. Four minutes of awkward

Reddit user elliephant99 shared how a man had sat her down and played a song for her. We often see this in movies—a male character plays the guitar and sings a song to a woman, who then turns head over heels in love with him. So it’s not a surprise that so many guys are trying to pull this off in the real world. But what they don’t get is that movies are scripted. In reality, the scene you get is a woman awkwardly sitting still, not knowing what to do while a man plays an instrument and sings his heart out. Double the awkwardness if the man doesn’t actually know that he’s a terrible guitar player and singer and the woman has to go through four minutes of that.

14. Generic gifts aren’t the greatest

Gift-giving is never a one-size-fits-all thing. Yes, some women like flowers. Yes, some women like candy. And yes, some women definitely like jewelry. But automatically assuming that every single woman you meet and date will go gaga over flowers, candy and jewelry is just plain wrong. It’s very cringey for a woman to receive a gift she has absolutely no inclination for. And it’s even worse if it turns out she’s allergic to it! And we know that it’s the thought that counts—but it only counts when you actually put in the thought. At least make the effort to get to know your woman and listen to what she truly wants. Pay close attention to her interests so you can give her something that will really make her swoon.

13. When size doesn’t matter

A lot of men feel like they have to try very hard to impress a woman. Some would go through ludicrous steps just to show how worthy they are of the woman’s attention. They feel like they have to talk a lot about themselves, their accomplishments and their talents. Sure, talking about yourself can be a good move. After all, women would, of course, want to know more about you and your background. But definitely, know what to share and what not to share. Telling a woman outright how big your junk is a huge no-no. This is never okay. This is never romantic. There is absolutely no situation in which this will be seen as romantic. Just don’t do it. Save that for the bedroom.

12. We propose to stop these

There comes a point in a man’s life when he becomes sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with his significant other. And with that realization comes the wedding proposal. Now, with the advent of social media, men from around the world are continuously raising the bar when it comes to these wedding proposals. You would see videos ranging from very intimate and romantic proposals to very creative and public ones. To all the men (and women) out there, if you’re going to do something outrageous, at least make sure that you have even a vague idea about the answer to your question before asking. Nothing is more cringe-worthy than watching someone profess their love in front of hundreds of people only to get rejected.

11. Rhyme can be a crime

Some men are supposedly naturally good with words. And for women, words of love are always nice to hear. Indeed, poetry is a nice way to creatively put together your words of love and affection for someone. But like what Reddit user strawcat00 said, some men may be good at writing poetry and some women might actually dig it, but most of the time, it’s very cringey. Romantic poems may sound good on stage or in books, but there’s a reason they’re not usually used in everyday circumstances. It’s even more cringey when the man tries too hard and the rhymes turn out to be off-putting. If you want to play it safe, just avoid poetry unless you’re really sure that you’re both into that kind of thing.

10. Probably a Twilight fan?

There’s a difference between courtship and borderline stalking. Yes, coming in through a woman’s bedroom window sounds exciting and romantic, but only when you have her permission and she knows that you’re coming. It’s a totally different story when you sneak into her bedroom window and watch her as she sleeps. Unless you’re a glittery vampire like Edward Cullen, please don’t do this. This is not only cringe-worthy, but this is actually very creepy, scary and borderline trespassing and stalking—both offenses punishable by law. Men should know their boundaries and have some respect for a woman’s private and personal space. So the next time you want to watch a woman as she sleeps, just invite her over. Although that, too, may still seem a bit creepy.

9. Here comes the choo-choo train

It may not look like it, but most women love food just as much as men. So taking your date to a nice restaurant with good food is always a smart way to win her over. However, some men go overboard. There’s a huge difference between feeding them by taking them out to dinner and footing the bill versus feeding them as in open-your-mouth-I’ll-shoot-in-some-food kind of feeding. Nobody likes getting caught off guard with a fork or spoon suddenly being propelled towards their face. This feels super controlling, imposing and not to mention just plain awkward. If you’re not sure whether she’ll like it, the best practice is to just ask. Don’t just go suddenly trying to shove food in people’s mouths. It’s not romantic.

8. “Do you miss me?”

We get it. You found the perfect woman you’d love to spend every day with, and all you want to do is be with her all the time. And being clingy with her can indeed be romantic and sweet—as long as you’re sure she feels the same way. But as the old saying goes, too much of anything is bad. We all need some air and space to thrive. For most women, they also need their me-time to work on themselves and to just do their own thing. As the saying goes, “Absence makes the heart go fonder.” Just keep this in mind. Too much clinginess can be suffocating. And even more when you’ve been together the whole time and you tell her, “You miss her.” Stay strong, man.

7. Be her man, not her butler

We couldn’t agree more with Reddit user metalbracelet who said that she cringes when men do everything for her. In men’s attempt to be gentlemanly, they sometimes go way overboard. But they have to realize that it’s the 21st century. Ladies are more independent, empowered and stronger now than ever (well they have always been, it’s just more apparent today). Men should stop making these women feel like they’re babies that need to be cared for. Doing them favors they didn’t ask for is not just cringey, it can also be insulting. Just as metalbracelet said, men should have some respect for themselves and their own time. Men should also respect the fact that some women are strong enough to do things by themselves.

6. Choco diamonds are not her best friend

There’s this popular saying that goes, “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.” But contrary to popular belief, some women actually think that diamonds are overrated. Not all women are into diamonds, even more so chocolate diamonds. Yes, some women like chocolate and some are actually into diamonds. But men falling prey to weird Valentine’s gimmicks like chocolate diamonds is just plain cringe-worthy. No guys, some women do not like chocolate and diamonds combined. And no, some women also don’t like those heart-shaped pendants. Men need to understand that most of the stuff they see in advertisements about “what women want” is just marketing propaganda. Women have very different tastes when it comes to jewelry, so if you really want to know what she wants, just ask.

5. Too much Shakespeare

Here’s something some men probably still don’t know by now: women are humans, too. You can’t use a romantic script straight out of Shakespeare-inspired poetry to talk to women and expect them to be wooed. That’s exactly what happened to Reddit user ratinmybed who received a random text from a boy, and she didn’t even know where he got her number. Nothing spells creepy and cringey more than a total stranger suddenly texting you and spewing out poetic lines like you’re Juliet. Yes, compliments are nice to give out. But make sure that they’re natural and not some overly exaggerated poetic metaphors. Using a planned romantic script isn’t smooth talking. If you want to talk, do it like a normal person would to another person. Nothing beats a normal, natural, authentic conversation.

4. Forever unrequited

Thinking that it’s impossible for somebody else to love a woman as much as you is not just cringe-worthy, it’s downright insulting. And thinking that pursuing a woman for a long time will eventually get her to come to her senses is foolish. Reddit user todayonbloopers said she had to dump her male friends, even though she wasn’t the object of affection, because they wouldn’t stop pursuing girls after getting rejected multiple times. According to her, they wouldn’t listen to reason and insisted on holding on to their “love” as long as they could, thinking it would make their future love story more romantic. Don’t shove your love down other people’s throats, saying you’re the only one who can love them, expecting them to love you back.

3. No one compares

This is similar to the previous entry. Men seem to hold this very harmful idea about love. We cannot reiterate this enough—telling someone that you’re the only one who can love them and understand them is very, very insulting. This does not only apply to men, but to women as well. When you do this to your significant other, you may think that it’s really sweet. But in reality, you’re basically saying that they’re not lovable enough or attractive enough to receive affection and attention from anyone else other than you. Having someone tell you this is not only cringe-worthy, it can also be hurtful. As Reddit user PurpleButts pointed out, this is the most disrespectful thing a person can say to a love interest. People, bear this in mind.

2. Violent rubs

We all have those days where we just don’t feel too good physically. But just like what Reddit user malblueeyes23 said, a woman telling you that she slept wrong isn’t a signal for you to suddenly start rubbing her back. In her case, they were in a café, and the guy thought of “coming to the rescue” by climbing across the table and starting to eviscerate her neck muscles—in front of all the people drinking coffee. No, you’re not saving the day by invading her space. The only time it’s okay to do this is when she explicitly asks you to do it. Other than that, just maybe get her an ice pack or hot compress to help ease her muscles.

1. Go easy on the compliments

It’s always a good idea to give women compliments, so long as these compliments are true and sincere. So anything over the top and seemingly too far-fetched is just bound to turn a woman off. Contrary to what most men might think, calling a woman a “goddess” isn’t going to make her swoon. Not all women are comfortable being put on a pedestal, and most of the time they would prefer sincere compliments based on the totality of their persona. If you barely know a woman and you call her a goddess, that just seems too superficial. Just like what this Reddit user said, “When the compliments start out so big, where else is there to go?” Start small and build the compliments as you get to know her more.