No matter whether your mother fights with your wife or your wife fights with your mom, we all know that finding the reasons is a valuable way to save your family. You know that it is not always easy to build bridges and rebuild the ones that have been burnt. But the return you get on this investment will not only save your married life, but it will also help you maintain balance in the relationships with everyone at home.
You didn’t choose your parents and siblings, but you had the choice to choose your partner and you can’t blame it on someone else. Living in a family is like getting training to know your limitations. You are bound to live with a certain number of people. It means that no matter where you go and what you do, you have to keep them updated. The same applies to everyone in your family.
There are things your wife does that your mother hates, but she is stuck with her, and vice versa. But it isn’t a Facebook family where people can simply add new friends, unfriend the existing ones and click them out of their life.
Here are 15 reasons why your wife fights with your mother and why your mother fights with her. Let’s have a look.
15. Your Wife is not mommy’s #1 choice
This is the common reason for fighting in most families. Since your childhood, your mother has had thousands of dreams about your wedding, but all of a sudden you introduce her to a stranger and say, “Mama, she is your daughter in law.” Yes, she was upset at that moment, and even today she is not able to accept your wife as her daughter in law. Was it an inter-religious or a intercultural marriage? If yes, then you added fuel to the fire. Your mother is highly embarrassed when it comes to introducing her daughter in law to her relatives. Her frustration comes out when she encounters an argument with your wife.
14. You are a mama’s boy
Buddy it’s time to grow up, you are not a baby anymore! Your mama’s boy character is creating issues in your marital life. No wife can tolerate when her husband is excessively attached to his mother. Without mama’s consent you never take any decision, but your wife is totally annoyed with this behaviour. Since you are always behind your mama, your wife starts to develop a strong resentment towards her mother in law. And you are sprinkling salt on the wound just by taking your mom along with her whenever you go out to parties. Just to break the strong bond, your wife will get involved in fights with the mother in law.
13. Your wife hates the lack of privacy in the house
Newly married women look for privacy at home just to spend romantic time with their life partner. Your wife is also one among such women, but her dream is still unfulfilled. Since the first day of marriage, she is living with your parents and siblings under the same roof. What can be more painful than this? You have been living with a thought that she is enjoying the family’s love, but in reality, it’s a hell for her.Throughout the day she serves her in laws and takes care of your younger siblings. So, to avoid all these responsibilities she desires to go out of the house and establish a nuclear family. However, it’s not as easy as it sounds. So, she explodes in a seething range on her mother in law out of desperation and frustration.
12. Generation gap matters a lot
As you know, your mother is one old fashioned woman whereas your wife is a diehard fan of Taylor Swift and other pop sensations. OMG! how can you think of uniting two different poles?
Everyday, they have a reason to fight, and you are the silent victim! Your wife is looking for a beach holiday this summer, but your mom wants you to take the entire family to a nice and quiet cabin in the forest. No one is ready to compromise, and finally you will end up picking an option. As a result of it, you may witness a big fight that can last for a week.
11. A typical mother-in-law attitude
When it comes to handling the parental role, you mother is perfect. But is she an excellent mother in law? No. She has a typical mother in law mindset and never wants to come out of it.
In the present era, youngsters are expecting their elders to treat them like friends. Your mother is peeping into all her personal matters, that’s disgusting. However, in her perception, a mother in law has the right to know, and should be able to ask anything about her daughter in law. Sometimes, your wife avoids her questions or says a big NO, and your mother in law gets a reason to kick start an argument.
10. Your Mother is Afraid You Don’t Love Her Anymore
Mother and son relationships are very pure and eternal. No one can give a perfect definition to it. Since your birth, you have been the apple of her eyes. However, another wonderful woman comes into your life after years, and that’s your wife. Now, the conflict of emotions start affecting the bond between you and your mother. Though your haven’t changed the way you love your mom, she is feeling very much insecure inside. Your love for your wife has been creating fear in mama’s heart, that is, she fears that she might lose her son! Your wife is also feeling the same. Her husband’s unconditional love for mom has kept her in a dilemma.
9. You like mama’s food better
“Mama, it’s so delicious,” everyday you say this line to mom while enjoying your dinner. Your sweet words make her feel like she is on cloud nine. But at the same time you are hurting someone’s sentiment, yes of course, that’s your better half.
She has started watching cooking shows and tries the same dishes just to impress you, and yet you haven’t noticed her efforts. Furthermore, you cause her even more pain by appreciating mama’s food in front of her. Getting praises from her son is not something new for mom, but now it’s a matter of pride because she has a competitor. Dear friend, unknowingly you have kickstarted a cold war!
8. Wife only thinks about her own family
Old age is the time to sit back and rewind the beautiful memories. Poor mom, she is not blessed with such a peaceful life, even today she is working round the clock. And your wife, she spends more time in her own mother’s house rather than help her mother in law in the kitchen. Her ignorance has planted a seed of dissatisfaction in your mom’s mind. The situation gets worse due to your wife’s concern for her own relatives only; for example buying expensive gifts for her parents. Due to this reason, often your mom criticizes your sweetheart. Rather than understanding the problem, your wife too starts overreacting to the situation.
7. Mother-in-law has high expectations of daughter-in-law
Yes, your mother and wife are living in their own assumptions. Society has created an ideal image for each and every role, for example in the eyes of society, a good daughter in law is someone who is always humble.
Literature and movies too support the same idea, perhaps, your mom welcomed her daughter in law with hundreds of expectation, but her destiny had something different for her. Your wife is just like all other human beings with her own flaws. If both of them can forget their differences and embrace each other, you will be the happiest man on the earth.
6. Your Mother Is A Spy
Your mom has no good thoughts about your wife. Carefully observe the content of her conversation, and you’ll notice that she loves bitching about your wife. So, how did she gain so much information? Yes, she has a sharp ear for tiny details that are related to her daughter in law. Just like a spy, she listens to her phone conversations, and your wife is probably not even aware of it! Sometimes your mother checks her shopping bills and also asks loads of questions when she returns home. Why does she do this? She is too curious to know everything, that’s all! In fact, most of the time mother in laws have this kind of bad curiosity.
5. Wife is a gossip queen
Women love gossiping, and your wife is not an exception. It’s a way that she has found to release her blocked emotions. At home, she can not share anything about your mommy, it will be too much of a risk! However, she is in touch with many who are crazy for her gossip, the list includes her kid’s nanny, best friends, neighbour, ladies club members etc. Sometimes, your mom also gets to hear such gossip. And you can predict what happens next, yes, another cat fight. Your mom is also an expert when it comes to bitching about her daughter in law. Both of them are adamant about changing their behaviour.
4. Your deep bond with your wife irritates your mother
“There is no lonelier man in death, except the suicide, than that man who has lived many years with a good wife and then outlived her. If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it,” said a novelist called Ernest Hemingway.
You are lucky to receive a boon in form of a life partner, she is your best friend, lover and a guide. There are many things that no one can understand better than your darling. As you know, there is no secret between you and your wife, but for mommy, your bond is not so adorable, and it’s just making her jealous. It sounds silly but it is indeed one of the main reasons for the fights between daughter in law and mother in law.
3. Love For the Kids
“Grandchildren are the dots that connect the lines from generation to generation,” said Lois Wyse, an American businessman. Kids are the beautiful creatures who bring loads of happiness to the house and also create a new sense of responsibility.
Your parents, especially mom, desires to spend a lot of time with her cute grand kids, whereas your wife is highly possessive about the kids. She has already appointed a nanny to look after and be around the kids. Though your wife has no experience in raising kids, she behaves like an expert. She rarely consults her mother in law and ignores the parenting tips that she has been sharing with love. Sometimes, the mother-in-law may think she knows everything and starts bossing her daughter-in-law about her kids. This is just a recipe for fighting and tension.
2. Mother-In-Law is a Clean Freak
Your mom is a cleanliness freak and her daughter in law is irritated with this behaviour. Your wife was living a life of an angel in her house before getting married to you, now she is supposed to be a responsible woman. Sadly, even after becoming your second half, she is the same old unorganized girl who sees no difference between the kitchen and the living room. She leaves her plates on the table and it’s your mom who must tolerate her messy lifestyle. Sometimes, her tolerance reaches a peak and she starts yelling at her. Just because of this small difference, sometimes your home witnesses a heated argument.
1. Your wife’s concern about saving money
Successful musician Emmylou Harris was right when he said, “Somehow, when you think about yourself in old age, you think you’re going to be this completely different person that you don’t even recognize – because you can’t imagine it, you know?”
Old age is the most difficult period of every individual’s life and no one can escape from it. Aging related health problems like arthritis, cataracts, osteoporosis, type-2 diabetes, hypertension and Alzheimer’s disease are very common these days. As you can see, your mom is not enjoying a good health life before. You are spending a good portion of your salary on her medication, and that’s your duty. For your wife an aged mother in law is a financial burden and she often fights with her about spending your son’s money. It’s sad, but it’s happening all around the world.
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