Your friend is recently single. You’ve been single for a while. You’ve had your eye on her for some time, and you want to make the step out of the friend zone and into her heart. You’ve been friends for years, and you know how you feel about her, but you’re not exactly sure how she feels about you. There are some methods you can use to get yourself out of the friend zone and into a romantic relationship with this woman, and make a seamless transition into your forever plan.
Okay, if your friend has specifically stated that you are her friend, and that’s what she needs from you, she has made her intentions clear, and there is no way for you to get out of the friend zone at this point. She just doesn’t like you like that, and that’s fine. If you spend time trying to change her mind, you’re only going to make your life more complicated. Accept and respect her choices, and move on. Now, if you haven’t established the boundaries of your relationship because of any number of reasons, there are a few techniques you can use to establish a different kind of relationship with this girl.
15. Get Some Alone Time
If you know the girl pretty well, it shouldn’t be a problem getting some alone time. Ask her over for the premiere of her favorite show. Order a pizza, make some popcorn, and have a “just the two of us” kind of night. If she is in your group of friends, and you don’t want to be so obvious about wanting to date her, try something a little less intimate. Invite her to go kayaking with you, or find an interest that both of you share and invite her out. Don’t forget that the two of you are friends. Avoid getting nervous when you ask her, because that lack of confidence can be a pretty big turn off.
14. Start Talking Like You’re More Than Friends
Let her in on your personal life. If you’ve been friends for a few months, and you haven’t had a chance to open up to her just yet, there is no time like the present. You don’t have to tell her all of your secrets, of course, but start sharing stories of your family with her. “When I was a kid, we used to…” and “My brother always does this thing where he…” are some great ways to ease into your personal life. Getting closer to her on a personal level will make her more comfortable with you. Your honesty is a great place to start here. Additionally, start asking her for some great stories from her childhood. Learn about her family, her dreams and aspirations, and start connecting your own stories to hers.
13. Start Making Plans With Her
These plans don’t necessarily have to be one-on-one engagements, but they could end up that way. Invite her to parties that you’re throwing. Find a common thread that you both share and make yourself available to share it with her (especially if other friends in your group have no interest in this specific topic. These plans don’t have to be very intricate either. You can tell her that you need help shopping for a birthday present for your sister, and ask her to accompany you to the mall. This adds the personal talk to the plan making, and you are hitting two birds with one stone (win!).
12. Be Patient please
This is especially true if the woman is recently exiting a terrible relationship. She may not be ready to date just yet, and if that is the case, hang back. Continue to listen to her stories, and collect information how her likes and dislikes, but don’t swoop in to make a move too soon. Being there for her too much at this point can often lead to the perpetual friend zone as your end zone, and if that isn’t your goal, this is the time to be her friend, but hold off on the other techniques until she’s ready to start looking again. How will you know when she’s ready? She stops talking about her ex, and starts talking about the dudes she meets randomly.
11. This is a given but be Single
There is no greater turn off than a dude who is with someone and paying way too much attention to someone else. It’s just too obvious. If you’re into one of your friends, ditch your current girl friend. What’s that you say? You aren’t sure your friend likes you back? Time to sack up and take a chance. If your friend doesn’t like you and you broke up with a different girl to take the chance, well, you clearly weren’t super into that other girl anyway, so you dodged a bullet there. Taking a gamble on true love is what it’s all about. Of course, you should never tell your friend that you broke up with your girlfriend to pursue her.
10. Stop Talking About Ex-Girlfriends
No girl wants to hear about how horrible your ex was. Most women are smart enough to know that you were with her for a reason, and you did have some sort of feelings for her. If you pull the “she went psycho on me” card, most women get a little unnerved. At what point will you call her a psycho and ditch her? If you’re over your ex, you shouldn’t be talking about her anyway. If you’re not over your ex, you shouldn’t be pursuing another person. If your friend as asked for information on your ex, you don’t have to give every gory detail, you just have to say “we weren’t right for each other,” and that is a suitable answer for any girl who asks.
9. Listen To Her
If you’re friends, she’s going to tell you things that she tells friends. Start paying attention to what she’s saying, and responding to her. A great way to show her that you’re listening is to connect what she is saying to something else she said during a different conversation. She will notice that you pay attention to her stories. These stories don’t have to be the most intricately detailed stories that you’ve ever heard. It is actually better to pay attention to the mundane stuff, like how she reacted to something her boss said at work, or how much she loved an adventure she went on.
8. Don’t Get Frustrated
If the situation isn’t moving as quickly as you’d like or had expected, don’t get all pouty about it. There could be things that she’s not telling you, and if you get frustrated, she will notice right away. Don’t rush things or try to force anything to happen. Everyone works on their own schedule, especially when it comes to relationships, and some women are more comfortable having a guy in the friend zone for quite a while before they jump into anything too serious. Your frustration and impatience can be one of the biggest turn offs a woman will ever experience, and will ultimately lead to you losing out on a potential relationship, especially if she’s clueless to your intentions.
7. Don’t Give Ultimatums
If you find yourself getting frustrated with how long it is taking this relationship to grow, the last thing you want to do is give her an ultimatum. This is especially true is she has no idea that you wanted to be more than friends in the first place. If you blow up and tell her to date you or you’ll never talk to her again, she’ll probably be incredibly surprised, and not know how to even respond to you. Before you get all angry, make sure she knows how you feel about the relationship, and jump right to telling her your intentions. If she doesn’t feel the same, move on. There’s no need to get upset about things like this.
6. Show Her You’re Interested
Alright, you’d layed all the groundwork. You’ve given her all of the attention necessary, and even hinted at wanting to be more than friends. Excellent! Now, it’s time to start showing your interest. You don’t have to come on too strong, but start telling her that the two of you should try dating. Tell her that you’re interested in her. Be honest and direct, and avoid being vague. This is how you test the waters. If she seems interested, you have a great chance of getting out of the friend zone. If she shows no interest at all and turns the idea down, you will probably have to move on from this situation in order to save yourself a lot of time and heartache.
5. Be Yourself At All Times
This is incredibly important for moving out of the friend zone. If you aren’t yourself now, how will you be when you are cleared of the friend zone later? There is no reason to put up a front to get a girl’s attention. If she likes you for you, you know the relationship is real. If you avoid being yourself, she will get the feeling that something is up. Additionally, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t know the real you anyway? Honesty is the best policy at all times, especially when you’re trying to start a relationship with someone, so be sure to be yourself throughout every stage of your pursuit.
4. Understand Her Wants and Needs
If you’ve been listening to her for quite some time, you probably have a little bit of understanding as far as what she wants and needs from a relationship. This doesn’t have to be sexual, of course, but it could give you a greater understanding of how to approach her on a relationship level. If the two of you have been hanging out and spending time together, you’ve been listening to what she likes and dislikes. Analyze this information and figure out what you can give her based on who you are as a person (again, don’t try to be something or someone you’re not; it doesn’t help your situation).
3. Hang Out As More Than Friends
Alright, you’ve reached the level where you’ve already hung out one-on-one, and you know a lot more about her now than you did before you started your journey. You’ve expressed your interest in being more than friends, and she was receptive to the idea. Now, it’s time to ask her out on a date. The trick here is to make your intentions incredibly clear. If you simply ask her to go to the movies with you, she could just assume it is as friends (even if you’ve already expressed that this is the time to be more than friends, she may not know that you started that already).
2. Tell Her You Want To Be More Than Friends
If you didn’t make it clear that your date night was a date night, and she isn’t really playing into the date thing in general, it’s time to just lay it all out there. This is very dangerous for you, of course, because you are basically handing this girl your heart and hoping that she accepts it. It’s tough, but if she hasn’t realized your intentions by now, the best thing to do is just tell her as honestly and directly as possible right that second. The worst thing about the modern dating world is that it always feels like two people are in an odd limbo until someone finally just defines the situation. So, be the one to bring up the “relationship definition” conversation. What have you got to lose? Your pride? Eh, if she’s worth it, you’ll do it.
1. Follow Up On “More Than Friends”
If you successfully exit the friend zone into a relationship with the woman you’ve invested so much into, it’s time for you to follow up. You know quite a bit about her now, and you know she’s the one for you, so show her how happy she makes you. Be the best darn boyfriend ever! You understand her needs, her dreams, her family, basically everything about her. Afterall, you put the time in to getting this information and now it’s time to apply it to your relationship. Following up and continuing to put so much energy into your relationship is essential to the relationship lasting a long time. Don’t become complacent, just because you reached one goal.
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