For the most part, car manufacturers do a pretty decent job these days. They create fantastic-looking cars that appeal to even the most car-indifferent people! Assuming you are a car enthusiast, then you know the past decade alone has seen some of the most gorgeous-looking cars ever to hit the open road. We are talking about whips like the Jaguar E-Type, the Lamborghini Huracan, and of course, the Ferrari La Ferrari. We can’t all afford to drive a Bentley or even the latest Mustang; the best we can do is pray that whatever car we pull out of our driveway doesn’t embarrass us too badly.
The following list of vehicles don’t fall into either category. It’s not enough that they aren’t gorgeous, these cars will without fail give you the loser tag. They are downright ugly! You’d honestly be better off taking the bus than being caught in one of these repulsive rides. Owning one of the cars on this is like dating Frodo (trust me, you don’t want to date Frodo). Here are the Top 20 cars that just don’t smell like success.
20. Pontiac Aztek
This is probably one of the most famous vehicles in Hollywood right now, courtesy of “Heisenberg” on the popular TV series Breaking Bad. That seems to be the only thing going for it at the moment. The Pontiac Aztek is one ugly car. We feel really bad having to put this car on this list, especially having to list it first. The Pontiac Aztek isn’t the most hideous car the world has seen, but its basic functionality doesn’t really make up for the fact that this moving box looks like a toy car no kid would want. If you drive one of these or you are looking forward to owning one, then boy are you in for a surprise; the Pontiac Aztek doesn’t smell like success!
19. Toyota Yaris Verso
Well on the performance side you wouldn’t call the Yaris Verso a really bad car, but it sure does look like a critter with its tail cut off. Ever looked at a vehicle and thought, “Damn! the salesman must have been really good” because you can’t imagine how anyone would buy that? Well, look no further. The Yaris Verso looks like something you would get if a hatchback and a van got together and had an ugly baby. There is no way you would look successful pulling out of your driveway in such a contraption. Unless of course, the idea is to look unsuccessful? That is the only way the Yaris Verso could be anyone’s ideal car. Really, you are better off taking the train to work.
18. Fiat Multipla
The Fiat Multipla doesn’t need a lot of explaining, it’s a really hideous car. Period. The only good thing that can be said about it is that it successfully passed its evaluation for production. If the designer wasn’t a 3-year-old, then they had to be high on something really cheap when they drew up the plans for this thing. The Fiat Multipla looks like an animal; a frog if you may. This vehicle was built for a certain type of person; a loser! If you are thinking of getting this ride, maybe it’s time you sat down and evaluated all the life choices you made up to this point because darling, you don’t belong to the cool club. I bet the horn goes something like Ribbit!
17. Early Subaru Imprezas
In the spirit of giving credit where it’s due, Subaru has made a lot of improvements on their vehicles over the past number of years. Remember the girl back in high school who was butt-ugly but got smoking hot 5 years later? Or well (let’s be realistic here), moderately attractive, when you are drunk? Yes! That is the Impreza for you. There is nothing successful about the Subaru Impreza apart from the fact that it got to be a rally car. If you want to look successful, we advise you to get the latest Impreza, it smells and looks kind of successful. Driving the earlier version Subaru Impreza is bound to make you look like a D-bag. Not exactly the image most people are looking for.
16. Mini Paceman
We could get into a lot of trouble with the Mini fans for listing the Mini Paceman as a car that doesn’t really smell like success. Let’s be honest. It comes close, but it’s just not there yet. The Paceman is like the nerdy little brother, looking up to his older quarterback brother. While it might have a little bit of edge to it, it’s nothing like its older brother; the Mini Cooper. The design looks a bit off, and it seems like the designers were not trying too hard to be creative. Perhaps the mates and lads in charge of designing this car had to go for a tea break and a pack of smokes. Let’s face it; the Mini Paceman has just but a whiff of success, which is gone before you can sniff again.
15. Ford Scorpio
You just have to see a Ford Scorpio in person to understand why it got a spot on this list. This car was exclusive to the European market, which is good news for Americans. The Ford Scorpio looks like Ford just gave up. I’m willing to bet the designer of this vehicle got fired! If you’re looking to smell like success then move along, there’s nothing for you here. The Ford Scorpio looks like a bewildered hobo. If you have this car parked in your garage or driveway go now and trade it in for something else. Anything. There is no way anyone driving this car will get a promotion. Beginning to regret your decision yet? Too bad you won’t be able to get rid of this car that easily; who would want to buy it?
14. SsangYong Rodius
This car and the word success can only be in the same sentence in one instance; The Ssang Yong Rodius can ‘successfully’ seat seven people. Now that’s awesome if you live with your kids and your kids’ kids, but otherwise, it’s just a whole lot of space for nothing. The back windshield is pretty awful too. This car gives off the impression of a docile house cat. Trust me, you don’t want to be seen driving this unless you are trying to impress your girlfriend’s father with how ‘harmless’ you are. The worst bit to me though is the name. How, pray tell, could you ever sell something with a name like ‘The SsangYong Rodius’ as successful? Thank goodness this monstrosity is only sold overseas.
13. 1990’s Honda Accord
If you ask anyone, the 1990’s Honda Accord definitely scores high marks for the mere fact that it’s a perfect “get me to work and please don’t die” car. The cost of this car is next to nothing, and its parts last pretty darn long. This is the reason you will still see them on the streets decades after they left the lot. These cars are so good at what they do, they rank top in the most stolen vehicles in America. Here comes the catch; when it comes to making you look successful, the score is a perfect round zero. This car was made for practical purposes, and that is exactly what you will look like. A practical person. Nothing more. We get it, these cars last a long time. Do yourself a favor and get a new ride already.
12. Buick Regal
The first reason this car is on this list is due to the fact its style is cheap. Apart from the fact that you can get Old GM mid-sizers in every single auto parts store, there’s nothing more to say about this car in the successful sense. You would have to be out of your mind to pull up with this old Buick to an important client meeting. Assuming you manage to park away from the eye line of your client, you would probably still have to deal with a ripped suit, courtesy of your old seats. Let’s put it this way, there’s a reason old grandmas are still driving this car, decades after production was cut off. You can, and should, do way better than this if you want to give off the right image.
11. 1990’s Ford Crown Victoria
There’s an art to going old-school, and not just any car can cut it either. The 1990’s Ford Crown Victoria definitely has the old part nailed down. The classy part? Not so much. To begin with, there are about a billion replacements parts, and what’s worse (or better, assuming you are a cheapskate), you will probably get them for the same price as a can of beans (beans have never smelled like success, just so you know). While getting a car for $1,000 in good condition makes you a successful buyer, it doesn’t translate to you being a successful person. The Ford Crown Victoria is a ‘no-no’ when it comes to radiating success. Plus, when all is said and done, this car is pretty hideous!
10. Geo Prizm
The 1990s Toyota Camry was once voted as one of the least expensive and lowest maintenance mid-sized sedans in America, perfect for the ordinary citizen. However, after a lot of research and consideration, the Geo Prizm seems to score even higher than the Camry in reliability, practicality, and well you know, in making you look like a total douche. Its awkward shape is not appealing in this century. This is the kind of vehicle people won’t even park next to at a public parking space. If you are trying to become successful and you own one of these, you gotta drop it first. 16-year-olds are not even accepting this car for their birthdays anymore.
9. Ford Escort
The Ford Escort has been a darling of many Americans, especially during the recession. The reason behind their popularity is the fact that they are a cheap buy, and you would spend almost nothing maintaining them. But, if you are trying to look, or even smell successful, you cannot afford to be stingy. This is the sole reason why the 1990s and early 2000 Ford Escort landed on this list. If you own this vehicle, good for you, you’re never gonna have car problems. But please give up trying to look successful. Even with 22-inch chrome rims and a good radio, you wouldn’t give off a hint of success. Unless of course, you’re an aspiring gang banger. Truth be told, the Ford Escort is nowhere close to the successful category.
8. Kia Rio
When it comes to availability of parts and cheap buys, the Kias and Hyundais are the champions. They are also champions at making you look like a total loser. If you are looking for a car to get you to work, to the gym or the convenience store, then the Kia Rio is your ideal car. Better yet, if you don’t want to get your latest Ferrari scratched when driving through congested parts of the city, then that’s what your Kia Rio is for. Needless to say, when it comes to showing off how successful you are, the Kia Rio doesn’t make the cut. However, if you want to make sure that no one assumes you are a successful member of society, then by all means drive this car.
7. Buick LaSabre
If you make a round trip across America, you will notice that the Buick LaSabre performs the driving duties of many working class American citizens. Its look is definitely not its strong point. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not ugly. In fact, it doesn’t get noticed at all. Plus side: you could probably do a heist in this car and not get noticed. The downside, you could get hit by a train in this car and not get noticed either. These cars may not be interesting at all, but they keep our nation moving. They’re reliable, and that’s why they get snatched up as soon as they appear on local listings. The Buick LaSabre is like that childhood loser friend who is always there for you when you are in trouble, but you never want to be seen with them in public.
6. Nissan Sentra
These cars are everywhere; you can probably look through your window and seen one parked outside right now. The Nissan Sentra is the highlight of the low-cost car segment. In the 1990s these cars were kings. This was not due to their good looks (because well, they don’t have that going for them), but the fact that only rust could take them out of action and off the roads. Well, this ain’t the 1990s, and if you are thinking of looking successful or even taking someone out on a date with this car, it’s going to be a total fail. The Nissan Sentra, apart from being ugly, doesn’t look anything close to successful. If you’re still driving one of these, it’s time for an upgrade!
5. Chrysler PT Cruiser
If one had to describe the Chrysler PT Cruiser, it would go something like this, “The Chrysler PT Cruiser is a silly car that is bought by sappy old people who are trying to look hip and cool and failing miserably.” If you have this car, then you probably got it as a sloppy hand-me-down from your dead relative. When you look at this car, it gives you the impression that you might have just made the worst decision of your life. Typically, it’s not the ideal ‘successful person’ car, and it definitely had to be on this list. The Chrysler PT Cruiser is on so many “worst car” lists, it had no chance of escaping this one.
4. Ford Edsel
So, you’re interested in classic cars and looking into purchasing a Ford Edsel? Think again. There is no way on earth you will ever be linked with anything nice if you own this car. Its design is a joke, beginning right from the grille that reminds you of your last dump. Better put, the Ford Edsel is a ‘Toilet seat grille car’. When the vehicle first debuted in 1957, the company had to put up a rigorous marketing campaign to make sales. In case you plan on getting rid of a suitor that’s been a bother, worry no more. Simply pull up for your date in one of these. There’s no way you will look successful in a Ford Edsel. Maybe in the laughable classic collection corner.
3. Chevy Vega
Come to think of it, this is probably one of the most hyped cars that GM has ever made. Too bad it turned out to be a nickel-and-dimed turd. We could dwell on the garbage interior, or on how sloppy it drives. This car didn’t fit the successful profile back in the day, and it definitely won’t be doing it now. If you are a Chevy Vega dude, do not attempt to pick girls up at the mall with this car. Not unless you want to appear on a YouTube funny compilation video. The Chevy Vega is hands down one of the ugliest cars ever to drive out of GM doors and it should not be parked in anyone’s driveway.
2. Ford Pinto
The Ford Pinto was junk from the day it was first produced. As if that was not enough, some Einstein somewhere decided to place the gas tank at the very end of the car. This meant the car’s gas tank would explode on impact during rear-end accidents. You can’t seem to find these cars anywhere these days, not even if you wanted it as a collector’s car. Ford has had a number of fails in manufacturing vehicles, but the Ford Pinto undoubtedly takes the cake. This car is underpowered, built from cheap plastic, highly prone to rust, and it has loser written all over it. If you are looking for a car that smells unsuccessful, then you hit the jackpot. Good luck finding one though!
1. Hummer H2
The first question would probably be why so many people hate the Hummer H2. First, it’s probably because it looks like a huge refrigerator on wheels, and you probably have to own a gas station to drive one of these things. Clearly, nothing about this spells success. One reviewer, when asked why they hated the Hummer H2 so bad, stated, “Because it’s a road hogging pointless piece of crap design.” It’s one of the most criticized civilian cars on the road today, and if you check the statistics, the Hummer H2 is the worst offender on American Roads. You will definitely succeed in looking like a jerk in this car.
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