Since its launch in 2012, Tinder has provided millions of singles (and not-so-singles) with the opportunity to find love, casual hook-ups, and everything in between. With the novel idea of judging someone based on a couple of pictures and a short, optional bio, it was a revolution in dating.

By taking away the extensive form filling and endless stomach churning questions, like ‘What would be your perfect date?’, Tinder gives us dating the way we want it – lazy, quick and on tap 24 hours a day. It’s hard to find a singleton that hasn’t got RSI from continuous swiping these days, and the odds are we all know at least one couple that met on the infamous app.

But what happens when despite hours of countless swiping, you’re just not getting anywhere? You’ve got the pictures up. You’ve filled out the bio, including a friendly smiley face. You’ve even paired it with your Spotify account so potential matches can see what awesome music taste you have. You’ve checked all the boxes – but alas, your cup runneth dry.

Can’t understand it? Need a woman’s perspective? That’s where I come in.

Let me introduce you to 15 Subtle Things That Will Make or Break Your Tinder Profile.

15. GETTING SALTY ABOUT HEIGHT… BEFORE WE’VE EVEN ASKED

I’ve lost track of the amount of bios I have seen with, ‘I’m 5’8, because apparently that matters’ or some variant thereof. I would say that at least 90% of people have a preference when it comes to the height of their potential partner. For a start, this is vitally important when it comes to first date outfit planning. How will we know whether to wear heels or not if we don’t know if we’ll be looking up or down at you? It’s not that we’re shallow enough to let height ruin a good thing – it’s just that we’re OCD and need suitable warning before hand, regardless of if you’re 5’2 or 6’8. We don’t enjoy asking either, but sometimes it’s a necessary evil.

14. SHIRTLESS SELFIES

Listen, having a great body is a bonus, but it’s not the be all and end all. Despite what you might think, putting up a shirtless selfie doesn’t make us swoon and render us unable to contain our primal desires, no matter how perfectly sculptured the torso. In fact, it just tells us that you have the audacity to think that a) you’re so hot and we’re so vapid that abs are more important than a personality, or b) your personality is about as stimulating a wet flannel. It’s not that we don’t like good bodies. We do. We just don’t need it shoved in our faces. Instead of a shirtless selfie, why not whack a t-shirt on and let us use our imagination, instead.

13. TERRIBLE SPELLING

Frankly, we don’t want to date someone who has difficulty spelling the basics. This also includes the excessive use of abbreviations or text language. This rings an alarm. Will you be able to write out a card for our first anniversary that doesn’t end with ‘lv u bb’? We need a little more than that. We also want to be assured that the potential father of our imaginary children will be able to help them with their English homework to a standard beyond D+. Regardless of what you’re looking for, we can guarantee that the likelihood of you finding it multiplies by a thousand if you know the difference between your and you’re.

12. A QUIRKY GIMMICK

You’ve been single for a long time. Your friends are all starting to couple up. More often than not, you go to weddings with a minus 1. One night, your friends persuade you to finally set up that Tinder profile. But, you don’t want to be like the rest. You need to really show your personality. A funny gimmick will get you that date, make the matches roll in and show that you’re endearing and lovable. Wrong. All it really does is make us take a screenshot and send it to all of our friends, before swiping left. You remember the thing your mother always used to say, ‘Be yourself’? It works. Try it.

11. A LIST OF DON’TS

Nothing reeks more of self-righteous arrogance than writing a comprehensive list of what you don’t accept in your bio. If you’re using Tinder, you’re trying to find someone that you can connect with. It’s advisable not to alienate your audience at first glance by listing your date requirements in a pretty repulsive way. We all have preferences, and that’s okay – but whilst you might think you’re being assertive and straightforward, you’re really just coming across as rude and unapproachable. Why not try talking to your matches before rejecting them? There’s a thought.

10. AN INTENSE PROFILE PICTURE

This is dating 101, regardless of how you’re doing it. Would you rock up to a first date with an expression that says ‘I kill kittens’? I’m hoping the answer is a resounding no. There is no way that this is going to get you a sane date. I say sane, because it may attract a match. There’s someone out there for everybody, right? However, if you post a profile picture like this one, just be sure that you can afford to keep your lady in postage stamps. Why? Because she’s also writing to the entirety of San Quentin’s Death Row. Handy hint: You can’t go wrong with a smile.

9. HUMOROUS ‘REVIEWS’

There are certain things that one stumbles across frequently, during that post-night out drunken trawl through Tinder. This is one of them. Is there a book out there, a guide entitled ‘Unique Bio Ideas for Tinder’? Well, actually, there probably is. For the love of God, don’t read it. We know what you’re trying to do, and although this goes down better than any of our previous numbers, it’s still enough to make us give up on dating entirely. It’s not unique – it’s not even remotely funny. It does make us scream into a pillow, but in entirely the wrong way.

8. A SNAPCHAT FILTER

I will automatically throw my hands up for the majority of the female race (although I am not a culprit personally). However, there are some dudes out there that also think that making themselves look like a dog, cat, cow or any kind of animal will increase their chances of getting a date. Here’s the thing – we’re going to see your whole face eventually. It will happen. Just rip the band-aid off now, it’s better in the long run. We promise we will still see you for the whimsical Snapchat loving freak that you are, and even possibly partake in a couple ourselves.

7. GROUP PHOTOS

This is not Where’s Waldo. There is nothing more infuriating than coming across a Tinder profile with only group shots. Who are you, Matt, 27? What’s even worse is when there’s the same few people in each one, and one cute guy. It leaves us with nothing but an awkward outcome. Do we swipe right and hope that you’re the cute one? How do we even find out? Do we ask straight off the bat? If it’s not you, is it appropriate to ask if mysterious cute guy is single? DON’T DO THIS TO US. We can’t handle Tinder roulette, and neither can you. Make yourself easily identifiable. It’s kind of a big deal.

6. PICTURES WITH A GIRL

I don’t think that I have ever swiped right on a picture of a guy posing with a girl, regardless of how innocent it looks. The thing is, we don’t know you. This could be your sister, this could be your childhood best friend. Or, this could be your on and off girlfriend that will show up to our first date ready to scratch out some eyes. In short, this is too much of a gamble for us women folk. We don’t need the drama, and already have enough Tinder-date-gone-wrong stories to amuse our friends with. It’s a no from us – even if you’re cute. No exceptions.

5. TIGER SELFIES

This mistake is more common than English summer rain. Being cultured is a plus. We dig it. What we don’t dig is the standard tiger selfie, or even worse – ‘I’m looking for someone to travel the world with.’ That’s great. However, we have jobs, responsibilities and our own domesticated animals to take care of. Whilst jetting off to Paris or Milan sounds right up our street, it doesn’t have the desired allure that you might think. We think our bosses may have something to say about our idea of a fully paid year off, and frankly we don’t want to date a flight risk. You can save the travelling tales for dinner conversation, but please don’t tell us how travelling changed your life. We might throw up in our soup.

4. THE TATTOO

Art is a very, very, personal thing. A tattoo is art. Bad art is also a thing, and we don’t want to see it. You might think the parlor in Vegas did a great job, for just $20. You got a bargain portrait, and you’re super proud of how rockin’ your forearm looks now. For the most part, girls do like tattoos. The thing is, we like good ones. Whilst not everyone has the same definition of ‘good’, it’s risky to assume that everyone is going to love your ‘Mom’ ink just as much as you do. Better save the big reveal for a little later. It isn’t a huge selling point.

3. A BITTER BIO

Okay, this one isn’t that subtle, but it’s definitely a mistake worth highlighting, should you have a particularly bad break-up and turn to Tinder in a blind rage. The worst thing you can ever do is refer to your potential matches in a derogatory way. It’s pretty obvious, but a surprisingly common thing. Nothing is more of a turn off than an aggressive, chauvinistic profile. It’s not edgy or masculine, you just look like a D-bag. Should you ever find yourself in the bitter-bio posting frame of mind, we suggest laying off Tinder for a while and maybe taking up Yoga instead. You can come back to it later in a more positive frame of mind.

2. ‘MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE’

Although it might seem like a perfectly normal, harmless statement, it’s actually really awkward. Are you a job vacancy? You may as well start with ‘For more details, please enquire within’. Tinder is all about getting to know your matches more. That’s the fine art of conversation. By using this statement you’re doing two things – implying that you never message first, and insinuating that the topic of conversation will be all about you. Don’t do it. Of course we’ll message you if we want to talk to you. Some things are just better left unsaid.

1. A FANCY DRESS COSTUME

This falls into the same category of doom as a gimmick. There’s not a lot right with wearing a costume in your profile picture. Maybe it’s some sort of sexual fetish that you’re wanting us to facilitate? Maybe you want to keep yourself a mystery? Either way, there aren’t any mysteries here. Why you haven’t got a date yet is crystal clear. Next time, why not opt for a stylish suit and tie combo instead of a Mexican duck? There are fewer things more attractive than fine tailoring and the illusion of success.